That's right kids. Those Cardinals got together and couldn't come up with the fella they wanted to be Pope. However, I do have it on good authority that the Cardinals were involved in a minor scuffle, that led to a full-on battle royale between the entire College of Cardinals! Of course you are aware, that upon becoming a Cardinal, God bestows mighty fighting prowess upon these mortals...and when those prowesses are turned against each other - titanic forces are at play. Apparently, after six hours, they called it a draw, and came up with how they're gonna choose tomorrow. SNAIL RACING!
That's right. Tonight in the dark stone of Vatican City, if you look close you might see a hunched over Cardinal searching for the snail, blessed by God, which will speed past all other snails put upon the earth by Satan, so that the owner of said snail, might then choose the next Bishop of Rome.
According to ancient tradition, a circle 64 furlongs in diameter shall be drawn on the floor. Then Cardinals shall place their snails upon a silver platter, covered with a crystal dome. Then the platter is walked to the center of the circle, and the lid removed. Accordingly, the snails might not cross the edge of the holy circle until days have passed. We will keep you posted!
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