Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Content Pushing The Whatfor...
Please click on the following for improved viewing pleasure.
Near daily awesomeness from this dude here.
Near daily awesomeness from this dude here.
Monday, August 25, 2008
I Want!
Another one...but I didn't know I wanted it until it popped up unexpectedly.
A your internets this strong?
A your internets this strong?
Your Internets Are Not Strong!
No. They are not!
(In case you are wondering about the "subtext" of this message, I would like to point out that mine are quite weak as well. I'm almost positive that more roo and bull fights will not change this in the very near future.)
(In case you are wondering about the "subtext" of this message, I would like to point out that mine are quite weak as well. I'm almost positive that more roo and bull fights will not change this in the very near future.)
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Staring into the Webmonster
A speculation on the nature of those who access the internet
Defining those who access the internet as individual people, there are more than a few different groups, which of course have plenty of overlap. There are the Content Generators, folks who make art, comics, animation, writing, and a million other original mediums. These Content Generators may or may not use the net as their primary medium - it may just be a secondary channel/distribution for their creations. But they are actively making new stuff.
There is some overlap between the Generators and the following group, when it comes to a place like Wikipedia. There, people actively create content, but the content they create is only a compilation of knowledge that is "universally" accepted.
So there are Content Compilers, who are people who gather specific themes of the content generators, and with a small synopsis, highlight what has been created. These folks might also be called Content Pushers, since some of the heaviest traffic flows through them, and out towards the smaller places where Content Generators are working.
And we have the Content Consumers, who are often more than just an audience - altho that is the predominant trait. Everyone on the internet is a member of this group. The consumer is quite an unpredictable beast, because at nearly any point in surfing anything on the web, the consumer can stop and write a response to some post or creation, and become a content generator, or copy the information onto their personal web-space, and become a content pusher...or they could buy something, and become a totally different type of consumer.
I was hoping there would be something more dramatic and insightful in this little post, but that's it. Generating content is extremely satisfying, and the most useful of uses of the internet. But it takes a lot of energy...and finding something someone else has made to read, or watch, or hear, is as easy as moving a finger. Of course, finding something that someone else has created that is actually good...that's a whole 'nother issue.
Defining those who access the internet as individual people, there are more than a few different groups, which of course have plenty of overlap. There are the Content Generators, folks who make art, comics, animation, writing, and a million other original mediums. These Content Generators may or may not use the net as their primary medium - it may just be a secondary channel/distribution for their creations. But they are actively making new stuff.
There is some overlap between the Generators and the following group, when it comes to a place like Wikipedia. There, people actively create content, but the content they create is only a compilation of knowledge that is "universally" accepted.
So there are Content Compilers, who are people who gather specific themes of the content generators, and with a small synopsis, highlight what has been created. These folks might also be called Content Pushers, since some of the heaviest traffic flows through them, and out towards the smaller places where Content Generators are working.
And we have the Content Consumers, who are often more than just an audience - altho that is the predominant trait. Everyone on the internet is a member of this group. The consumer is quite an unpredictable beast, because at nearly any point in surfing anything on the web, the consumer can stop and write a response to some post or creation, and become a content generator, or copy the information onto their personal web-space, and become a content pusher...or they could buy something, and become a totally different type of consumer.
I was hoping there would be something more dramatic and insightful in this little post, but that's it. Generating content is extremely satisfying, and the most useful of uses of the internet. But it takes a lot of energy...and finding something someone else has made to read, or watch, or hear, is as easy as moving a finger. Of course, finding something that someone else has created that is actually good...that's a whole 'nother issue.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
THE CONTINUING!!
Yes - it's back from a short break! So without further ado, I give you
EXHIBIT "Q!"
And this member of the cow contingency has something to offer with EXHIBIT "R".
EXHIBIT "Q!"
And this member of the cow contingency has something to offer with EXHIBIT "R".
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Follow up from the last one
Okey...after this we'll be back to normal fjord programming, I predict roo-vs-cow exhibits will be forthcoming...
So I ran out of time on the last post, and had one further point I wanted to get to. Here's a couple of lines from "Generation of Swine" that struck me.
"The legacy of Ronald Reagan will be different from those of the other three gents in that famous Egyptian photograph...Richard Nixon was a crook, Gerald Ford was a shameless fixer and Jimmy Carter was an awesome bungler who gave once-proud political values like "decency" and "honesty" a bad name."
and there's this...
"Reagan's children must be proud of him. With AIDS and acid rain, there's not much left in the way of life and love and possibilities for these shortchanged children of the 80's. In addition to a huge and terminally crippling national debt, and a shocking realization that your country has slipped to the status of a second-rate power, and that five American dollars will barely buy a cup of coffee in Tokyo, these poor buggers are being flogged every day of their lives with the knowledge that sex is death and rain kills fish and any politician they see on TV is a liar and a fool."
Now, the first bit was pretty dead on, and stands the test of time. The second...well Clinton squared up the "crippling national debt" in a couple of terms, (course a couple terms of Bush Jr. and we're worse off than before) and say what you want, the U.S. hasn't been a "second-rate power" since we got the bomb, and won't be until China decides to call in our debts and every OPEC nation dumps the dollar for the Euro. And I don't know if the problem was ever really solved, but I don't hear about acid rain at all.
But the last line of the second part, "...any politician they see on TV is a liar and a fool." Well, that deserves a little analysis.
There is a consistent theme in conservative politics that is always at the fringes of anything they do. It says government is bad, government doesn't work, and government should be smaller and do less. Now, how does someone accomplish this when there are so many stakeholders in a gargantuan democracy like the U.S.? You destroy anyone who has a belief in the opposite, and parade liars and fools in front of the citizens over and over until people stop listening - and just tune the bastards out. Of course, after years and years of conservative policies the government isn't smaller - it's steadily grown larger and larger, but it sure does do a lot less. (see New Orleans/Katrina)
The success of this movement since Nixon, has been to eliminate the belief that government can do anything for you. It's really good at making well connected people rich, and protecting them from legal reprisals (see Kenneth Lay) but for helping the average shmoe - look somewhere else buddy. Hell, the U.S. public learned that lesson long ago...it's practically instinctual now.
To be fair, far more than half of this change occurred with large numbers of Democratic Senators and Reps, and even a fairly successful 2-term Executive. Why? Well, lets just say lots of those Democrats weren't exactly liberal, and had no problem rolling along with the zeitgeist since it made them and their pals rich. There was one fellow that really upheld a lot of my beliefs and did a lot of good fighting for something close to truth, justice, and the American way. His name was Paul Wellstone, and for a little nerdy goofball he was a bad-ass.
A little while after 9-11 he was killed when his small plane crashed. There was an investigation into the accident, which uncovered no evidence of anything other than some mechanical malfunction. But I often wonder what he would have said and done over the last few years, and how convenient it was for our current crop of leaders (on both sides) that his voice was silenced.
Now, there's no evidence at all for my speculation. But as I mentioned in the last post, at a certain level politics is a game that is played really nasty and really dirty. After all, the D.C. Madam actually gave instructions to her lawyer in case she was found dead of "an apparent suicide," which strangely enough, she was.
So in conclusion, let me ask a simple question.
What are you doing to fight the terrorists?
There's a war on, youknow...
So I ran out of time on the last post, and had one further point I wanted to get to. Here's a couple of lines from "Generation of Swine" that struck me.
"The legacy of Ronald Reagan will be different from those of the other three gents in that famous Egyptian photograph...Richard Nixon was a crook, Gerald Ford was a shameless fixer and Jimmy Carter was an awesome bungler who gave once-proud political values like "decency" and "honesty" a bad name."
and there's this...
"Reagan's children must be proud of him. With AIDS and acid rain, there's not much left in the way of life and love and possibilities for these shortchanged children of the 80's. In addition to a huge and terminally crippling national debt, and a shocking realization that your country has slipped to the status of a second-rate power, and that five American dollars will barely buy a cup of coffee in Tokyo, these poor buggers are being flogged every day of their lives with the knowledge that sex is death and rain kills fish and any politician they see on TV is a liar and a fool."
Now, the first bit was pretty dead on, and stands the test of time. The second...well Clinton squared up the "crippling national debt" in a couple of terms, (course a couple terms of Bush Jr. and we're worse off than before) and say what you want, the U.S. hasn't been a "second-rate power" since we got the bomb, and won't be until China decides to call in our debts and every OPEC nation dumps the dollar for the Euro. And I don't know if the problem was ever really solved, but I don't hear about acid rain at all.
But the last line of the second part, "...any politician they see on TV is a liar and a fool." Well, that deserves a little analysis.
There is a consistent theme in conservative politics that is always at the fringes of anything they do. It says government is bad, government doesn't work, and government should be smaller and do less. Now, how does someone accomplish this when there are so many stakeholders in a gargantuan democracy like the U.S.? You destroy anyone who has a belief in the opposite, and parade liars and fools in front of the citizens over and over until people stop listening - and just tune the bastards out. Of course, after years and years of conservative policies the government isn't smaller - it's steadily grown larger and larger, but it sure does do a lot less. (see New Orleans/Katrina)
The success of this movement since Nixon, has been to eliminate the belief that government can do anything for you. It's really good at making well connected people rich, and protecting them from legal reprisals (see Kenneth Lay) but for helping the average shmoe - look somewhere else buddy. Hell, the U.S. public learned that lesson long ago...it's practically instinctual now.
To be fair, far more than half of this change occurred with large numbers of Democratic Senators and Reps, and even a fairly successful 2-term Executive. Why? Well, lets just say lots of those Democrats weren't exactly liberal, and had no problem rolling along with the zeitgeist since it made them and their pals rich. There was one fellow that really upheld a lot of my beliefs and did a lot of good fighting for something close to truth, justice, and the American way. His name was Paul Wellstone, and for a little nerdy goofball he was a bad-ass.
A little while after 9-11 he was killed when his small plane crashed. There was an investigation into the accident, which uncovered no evidence of anything other than some mechanical malfunction. But I often wonder what he would have said and done over the last few years, and how convenient it was for our current crop of leaders (on both sides) that his voice was silenced.
Now, there's no evidence at all for my speculation. But as I mentioned in the last post, at a certain level politics is a game that is played really nasty and really dirty. After all, the D.C. Madam actually gave instructions to her lawyer in case she was found dead of "an apparent suicide," which strangely enough, she was.
So in conclusion, let me ask a simple question.
What are you doing to fight the terrorists?
There's a war on, youknow...
Friday, August 15, 2008
Well now...
I've been reading a Hunter S. Thompson book called "Generation of Swine - Gonzo Papers Vol.2" which is basically a 300 pages of a two to three page ramblings/reports about U.S. politics in (you guessed it) the late 80's. Thrown in are a bunch of crazy things, lotsa booze, gunfire and gambling. Anyway - despite Thompson being on, how shall we say, "the fringe" of polite culture, he appears to be quite well connected and a number of prominent politicos are clearly okay with taking a call from him. But as his writings start touching on the Iran/Contra Scandal, it's interesting how his predictions for the political ramifications never materialized. He considered it very likely George Bush (Sr) would go to jail along with Oliver North and have his political career destroyed, even if he escaped prosecution. Course, we know how that played (and is still playing) out.
But he did bring up a really interesting point, and one that got me thinking. Running for President of the U.S. is the Big Leagues. Like, Hitler was in that league. Stalin was in that League. And at that level, things are played rough and dirty, and it makes me wonder if there's enough people who realize it.
There's a stat in the book that reads:
*Starting with 1968 the Republicans have won four of five Presidential Elections
(Change that with slightly updated figures - *that was written in 87) to six of nine Presidential Elections. That's pretty startling, considering what kind of platforms the conservatives really run on.
But like I said, at that level, stuff is run pretty rough, and one wonders if the Republicans are the only ones who know it. Hell, just scanning through the internets today, I came across this.
It's from the D.C. Madam - instructions as to what to do if she was ever found dead in an apparent suicide attempt. Which she was. She knew what kind of world she was living in...and I'm not even speculating there is a Presidential candidate in her black book of Johns, probly just a bunch of Senators and Reps, and lobbyists, and power-brokers. Nevertheless, ugly and dirty at that level can mean really ugly and really dirty.
I've got a few more ideas from this little book that I might get to later today, but for now, I have to go write a script for a cartoon.
But he did bring up a really interesting point, and one that got me thinking. Running for President of the U.S. is the Big Leagues. Like, Hitler was in that league. Stalin was in that League. And at that level, things are played rough and dirty, and it makes me wonder if there's enough people who realize it.
There's a stat in the book that reads:
*Starting with 1968 the Republicans have won four of five Presidential Elections
(Change that with slightly updated figures - *that was written in 87) to six of nine Presidential Elections. That's pretty startling, considering what kind of platforms the conservatives really run on.
But like I said, at that level, stuff is run pretty rough, and one wonders if the Republicans are the only ones who know it. Hell, just scanning through the internets today, I came across this.
It's from the D.C. Madam - instructions as to what to do if she was ever found dead in an apparent suicide attempt. Which she was. She knew what kind of world she was living in...and I'm not even speculating there is a Presidential candidate in her black book of Johns, probly just a bunch of Senators and Reps, and lobbyists, and power-brokers. Nevertheless, ugly and dirty at that level can mean really ugly and really dirty.
I've got a few more ideas from this little book that I might get to later today, but for now, I have to go write a script for a cartoon.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Since I can't think of anything else to say
Lemme just say,
"Yeah, I'm watching the Olympics."
Okay, sure, the summer games are never as cool for me as a sports fan, as the winter games...but I don't mind swimming and gymnasts and such.
However, as a quick note to NBC, I would like to point out
I DO NOT WATCH 2-PERSON BEACH VOLLEYBALL EVEN WHEN THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON!
I know there's something else you could be showing that's actually, yaknow, fun.
"Yeah, I'm watching the Olympics."
Okay, sure, the summer games are never as cool for me as a sports fan, as the winter games...but I don't mind swimming and gymnasts and such.
However, as a quick note to NBC, I would like to point out
I DO NOT WATCH 2-PERSON BEACH VOLLEYBALL EVEN WHEN THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON!
I know there's something else you could be showing that's actually, yaknow, fun.
Monday, August 11, 2008
More Newz You Can't Use!
So there's this bit thang happnin' in Georgia you've doubtless heard about, but did you know they're also under a full-scale cyber attack?
So a Georgia news site jumped to blogger in order to bypass the information roadblock.
"In a sense," notes Jim Stogdill, "they must be saying 'we can't keep our sites up, but we don't think [Russian hackers] can take down Blogspot, given Google's much better infrastructure and ability to defend it.'"
Weird, huh?
So a Georgia news site jumped to blogger in order to bypass the information roadblock.
"In a sense," notes Jim Stogdill, "they must be saying 'we can't keep our sites up, but we don't think [Russian hackers] can take down Blogspot, given Google's much better infrastructure and ability to defend it.'"
Weird, huh?
Yes, it's a few days late...
Here's the NEWZ!
38 Venzuelans killed by vampire bat!
"...The common vampire bat, which feeds on mammals' blood, swoops down and generally approaches its sleeping prey on the ground. The bat then makes a small incision with its teeth, and an anticoagulant in its saliva keeps the blood flowing while it drinks the blood. Symptoms of rabies include fever, tingling in the feet followed by paralysis, and an extreme fear of water."
"Extreme fear of water" is a very strange symptom of anything, dontchathink?
Anyhoo - no reports of those killed coming back as undead blood-sucking human-form vampires - but keep yer eyes peeled, yaknow, just in case.
(might wanna get some priest to bless some water in yer joint too.
Wait, scratch that, have a priest bless your faucet - that way all your water will come out holy water! Word!)
P.S. "Anticoagulant" would be an awesome band name.
38 Venzuelans killed by vampire bat!
"...The common vampire bat, which feeds on mammals' blood, swoops down and generally approaches its sleeping prey on the ground. The bat then makes a small incision with its teeth, and an anticoagulant in its saliva keeps the blood flowing while it drinks the blood. Symptoms of rabies include fever, tingling in the feet followed by paralysis, and an extreme fear of water."
"Extreme fear of water" is a very strange symptom of anything, dontchathink?
Anyhoo - no reports of those killed coming back as undead blood-sucking human-form vampires - but keep yer eyes peeled, yaknow, just in case.
(might wanna get some priest to bless some water in yer joint too.
Wait, scratch that, have a priest bless your faucet - that way all your water will come out holy water! Word!)
P.S. "Anticoagulant" would be an awesome band name.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Something Else From the Archjives
(from Feb '08)
“Not that I’m hiding or anything,” the voice said through the phone on a connection that made it sound like he was talking through a tin-can.
“But…” I answered slowly, drawing the word out as long a possible.
“There are a few people I’ve learned, who wouldn’t mind inconveniencing me, umm…physically.”
“You’ve got a fucking armored Bentley and two South African special-ops guys on your bodyguard staff. You’re worried about being physically inconvenienced?”
“They’re pretty aware of that, I’m sure.” He replied.
I took about six steps down the wide and nearly empty sidewalk that edged the park near my crappy apartment. My throat had a bunch of crap in it, so I cleared it without apology in my cell, and spat. I finished my thought. “You know what I’m doing right now, yeah? I’m walking home from the drug store with two Miller Lite tall-boys, and I’m about to drink ‘em, and forget my day.”
“I’m sure, however,” The tinny voice said. “I’m in a bind, and I need to ask you to do a thing for me.”
“Why.”
“Because nobody I know, knows I know you.”
That was true enough. The guy was just some dink I’d had a conversation with at a bar, and had stupidly given my card. It wasn’t even the business card from the last gig I’d been fired from. It was the one I’d made up in fun. That just had my name on it in 18 point font, so I could say, “Howdy, I’m Dario Tsunami. Here’s my card.” And it would reiterate in print, simply “Dario Tsunami.” The dink’s name was Walter Bruthers, and he kept on buying me drinks that night, and making pleasant conversation and impressing me with his bar tab and funny stories about important people about town until I happily gave over my real numbers. I didn’t even remember doing it the next day. But a week later it had come back to haunt me.
“Darin, this is Walter.” The conversation had started. “Enjoyed your company the other night, and was wondering if you’d like to swing over for a little thing I’m having tonight?”
“Okay.” I stupidly answered.
“Great! There’s a car outside right now.”
And that’s how I learned about his armored Bentley. His bodyguards, I learned about during a most uncomfortable series of conversations with his other guests at his mansion that night. I was doing my best to overcome the stereotype that it’s not what you do, or what you have, it’s who you are that matters. I failed miserably.
There was something else I was going to show you...
But I can't remember what it is. So instead, I give you...
THIS!
THIS!
Friday, August 08, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Here We Go Again!
(probly a few more in there...)
DNA tests are to be conducted on the mummified remains of two stillborn children found in the tomb of Tutankhamun.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Hiya!
I'm busy doing something right now that resembles doing something!
Will be back in a few...when I'm doing something that resembles nothing!
Will be back in a few...when I'm doing something that resembles nothing!
Saturday, August 02, 2008
One from our astounding historical archiveness...
I'm positive this won't make any talking newsmonkey's teleprompters. But seriously, there have been so many causes/excuses/reasons for the drop off in Iraqi violence lately, I think it's only fair to mention that no-one is talking about our anti-terrorist-badger legions, so I'll bring it up again.
original post is here.
(one year ago the munny quote was this:
British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra.)
Richard Dawson Is Awesome!
It seems I keep on seeing the name "Richard Dawkins" in the political blogs, and I always think it's Richard Dawson, which is great because it reminds me how awesome Richard Dawson is! Dawkins is apparently some "evolution is bunk" dude, and Dawson is this guy.
And here's a little clip from "Running Man" where he played an evil talk show host.
And here's him bein' a real talk show host.
Agreed?
And here's a little clip from "Running Man" where he played an evil talk show host.
And here's him bein' a real talk show host.
Agreed?
Friday, August 01, 2008
Once Upon A Friday
Friday laughed. It wasn't a giggle or a chortle, it was a loud boisterous laugh, and we all know that someone's laughter is about as self-identifying as fingerprints. People can "fake" a laugh, like when they're called upon to emote about something that is supposed to be funny, but it really isn't. Yet, no impersonator on the planet takes the time to fake another person's laugh, and actually use it as their own, because they already have their own. Funny stuff usually takes place in an instant, and in that instant, if it really is funny, their own personal vocal reaction to the stimuli known as "funny," occurs.
But when you hear Friday's laugh, it makes you want to laugh too. You don't even think about being clued into the joke, it's just that infectious! Besides, it's a booming laugh that carries right through anything nearby. Hell, it's Friday, and if he's laughing, the fjucking rocks want to laugh with him!
"As if!" Was what the partygoers heard from Friday exclaim beyond the range of the conversation, and between massive laughs.
*The camera zooms in towards a small group gathered around the King of All Weekdays, and catches a smaller mortal looking up to Friday, with amusement of telling the tale that is more successful than he believed it would be.*
"No seriously!" The small man said, seizing his chance..."Then I passed the go-cart that was in the lead with a sneaky pass on the inside, and I was in the clear! Just one final lap, holding off the pack, and I would win the race!"
"Unbelievable!" Said Friday, grabbing a cocktail off a passing waiter's tray, still lost in the amusement of whatever had come before.
"Quite!" Said the small man, "Yet, even the unsportsmanlike tossing of a live lobster onto the go-cart track is not what cost me the race!" The speaker was well aware of the power of his last statement, and decided at that moment to take a long, thirst quenching pull off his beverage, that drained the rest of the glass. He looked around, and snaked his arm though the gathered crowd and placed it on a small end-table holding a Tiffany lamp. He made the motion of miming a steering wheel, and spoke with expressive agitation!
"For in striking the crustacean with my right wheel, I was literally thrown - nay - launched into the air! And I'm sure you're all aware of the slowing of time that occurs in such instances, and I can tell you now, from what I felt of the physics of what had transpired, I assure you after two revolutions in the air, I was actually about to land on four wheels and still be in control of first place!" He made a motion of moving the steering wheel to recover from such an event. "I agree, I may not have been able to control the vehicle after such a landing, but I will never know."
"What do you mean!" Expressed Friday, "You will never know! How does this preposterous story end?!?"
The small man took his hands down from the driving a fast go-cart mime he was creating, and straightened his tie. He looked up at Friday with a wry look and said moving his right index finger in a spinning motion,
"Well, as my vehicle was about to make it's second revolution, bringing me down to the track, a brown pelican, blundered straight into the roll-cage of my flying conveyance, and struck my helmet! Knocking me unconscious in an explosion of feathers!"
"A Pelican!" Laughed Friday. "A Pelican!? My god man, what did you do next!"
The small man had somehow acquired another cocktail, and he lifted a pinkie as he coolly had a sip.
"What did I do next? I woke to find myself completely addled, and upside down in the roll-cage of a go-cart, covered in pelican blood and feathers! Men were busy trying to free me from the seatbelts, and a few moments later I was being examined and questioned by a most lovely woman who was a nurse at the local hospital, who was there to watch her husband in the next race!"
Friday laughed again, showing off his moviestar teeth.
"Well, at least there was a happy ending!"
"Happy!" The small man exclaimed decisively to the negative. "I was too confused from the crash to drive myself home, and my clothes were covered in blood and feathers!"
"So how did you get home?" Asked Friday.
"I walked! Have you ever tried hailing a cab in a bloody chicken suit?" He had another drink of his cocktail, and spoke clearly and slowly. "It. Doesn't. Work."
Happy Friday!
But when you hear Friday's laugh, it makes you want to laugh too. You don't even think about being clued into the joke, it's just that infectious! Besides, it's a booming laugh that carries right through anything nearby. Hell, it's Friday, and if he's laughing, the fjucking rocks want to laugh with him!
"As if!" Was what the partygoers heard from Friday exclaim beyond the range of the conversation, and between massive laughs.
*The camera zooms in towards a small group gathered around the King of All Weekdays, and catches a smaller mortal looking up to Friday, with amusement of telling the tale that is more successful than he believed it would be.*
"No seriously!" The small man said, seizing his chance..."Then I passed the go-cart that was in the lead with a sneaky pass on the inside, and I was in the clear! Just one final lap, holding off the pack, and I would win the race!"
"Unbelievable!" Said Friday, grabbing a cocktail off a passing waiter's tray, still lost in the amusement of whatever had come before.
"Quite!" Said the small man, "Yet, even the unsportsmanlike tossing of a live lobster onto the go-cart track is not what cost me the race!" The speaker was well aware of the power of his last statement, and decided at that moment to take a long, thirst quenching pull off his beverage, that drained the rest of the glass. He looked around, and snaked his arm though the gathered crowd and placed it on a small end-table holding a Tiffany lamp. He made the motion of miming a steering wheel, and spoke with expressive agitation!
"For in striking the crustacean with my right wheel, I was literally thrown - nay - launched into the air! And I'm sure you're all aware of the slowing of time that occurs in such instances, and I can tell you now, from what I felt of the physics of what had transpired, I assure you after two revolutions in the air, I was actually about to land on four wheels and still be in control of first place!" He made a motion of moving the steering wheel to recover from such an event. "I agree, I may not have been able to control the vehicle after such a landing, but I will never know."
"What do you mean!" Expressed Friday, "You will never know! How does this preposterous story end?!?"
The small man took his hands down from the driving a fast go-cart mime he was creating, and straightened his tie. He looked up at Friday with a wry look and said moving his right index finger in a spinning motion,
"Well, as my vehicle was about to make it's second revolution, bringing me down to the track, a brown pelican, blundered straight into the roll-cage of my flying conveyance, and struck my helmet! Knocking me unconscious in an explosion of feathers!"
"A Pelican!" Laughed Friday. "A Pelican!? My god man, what did you do next!"
The small man had somehow acquired another cocktail, and he lifted a pinkie as he coolly had a sip.
"What did I do next? I woke to find myself completely addled, and upside down in the roll-cage of a go-cart, covered in pelican blood and feathers! Men were busy trying to free me from the seatbelts, and a few moments later I was being examined and questioned by a most lovely woman who was a nurse at the local hospital, who was there to watch her husband in the next race!"
Friday laughed again, showing off his moviestar teeth.
"Well, at least there was a happy ending!"
"Happy!" The small man exclaimed decisively to the negative. "I was too confused from the crash to drive myself home, and my clothes were covered in blood and feathers!"
"So how did you get home?" Asked Friday.
"I walked! Have you ever tried hailing a cab in a bloody chicken suit?" He had another drink of his cocktail, and spoke clearly and slowly. "It. Doesn't. Work."
Happy Friday!
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