Don't often comment on sports over at the fjord but...

Dang! If anyone's ever took some time following basketball, it's pretty obvious Kevin Garnett is one of the best players in the league. I'd been rooting for him ever since he walked onto the court in a timgberwolves jersey when he was, shit I dunno, 18, and totally blew away expectations by actually living up to the hype. The Wolves made a great run with Spreewell and Cassell a few years back, and it killed me to see that team fall apart, since they were so damn close.

Still, when the talk was about trading him, it wasn't my old hometown squad I was thinking about, it was "The Kid." He'd put in so many man-hours to make the Wolves a team you ignored at your peril, and never once said anything in public that implied he was unhappy. That kind of devotion is so refreshing to see in pro-ball of any kind, that all I want for him is to get a gjoddang ring. With his trade to the Celtics, it seems as if they have a pretty good chance. And I'll still be rootin'. Good luck K.G!

A Post B-day Random Write-A-Thing

So yeah, I was working on this before my b-day, but now it's...well, it's this.

Young Hollywood gone bad, old Hollywood was already bad, I live in Hollywood, and I don't know which side I should be on. That's not the real question. (or maybe I'm ignoring it because I'm in the middle) The real question is...IS going bad - or being bad going to help my creativity? I hope so because I'm drunk - on crack, oxycotten, and these tiny blue pills I found on the street, and I thought taking this drive on the PCH would give me some inspiration to think up something really creative. Hey, a penny!

Maybe it's overstimulation from too much information - since you can ask anyone I know that I consume information like food.
Cut to:
A Guy: Food?
A Dude: Not that I heard.
A Lady: I think he consumes, but I can't be sure.
A Tramp: Definitely. What was the question?
A Soldier: Wasn't he that sex freak guy?
A Postman: I don't like dogs.

But something tells me if I don't start specializing in something soon, it'll be too late.

Cut to:
Me with a smaller me on my shoulder who says.
"It's going to be too late."

But those are the things I try and ignore because they're counter-productive. What's also counter-productive is giving away money, buying things you don't really need, voting and masturbation. Wait, scratch that last one, replace it with rockstars! Yeah, rockstars.

Cut to:
Rockstar: What? Don't we give you something to idolize?

Idolatry - wasn't that something the bible said to not do? Or carve, or put on youtube - because that might violate some sort of copyright? I don't know - what the fuck am I a lawyer? No, I'm not! I'm also not a meteorologist, or a spelunker, or a caveman, but enough about me, really, enough about me.

I'd like to apologize for the last seven words, I don't know why they were written. Instead, I'd like to amend them and say, Me! More about ME! I want everyone to know everything about ME ALL THE TIME!!! ME TEEVEE, and KMME RADIO and MEESO SOUP and ME MAGAZINE and let me tell you about what the hell I'm doing, so you'll have an update from five minutes ago about what I was doing. Why wouldn't anyone want to know?

As for what I got for my B-day...it's the best gift I've ever received.

Things I don't understand...but like

The worlds oldest fake body part. Of course, it's found in/on a mummy.

Here's the munny quote.

If true, the toe will predate the currently considered earliest practical prosthesis - a fake leg from 300BC. The Roman Capua Leg, made of bronze, was held at the Royal College of Surgeons in London but was destroyed by Luftwaffe bombs during the Second World War.

And in more futuristic kind of fucked-up-ness the munny quote is only this...

Nasa astronauts were cleared to fly while drunk at least twice, a panel set up by the US space agency has found.

Octopus? Is there anything they can't do?

Well, there's a lot of Beeb for yas, but hell, if the shoe fits...yeah? Since it's Sundaaaay, I'll give you the other little juicy tidbit that I'm totally loving.

Munny quote? Sure, why not.

Vick pleaded not guilty to federal dogfighting charges in Richmond, Virginia. In the indictment, he was accused of sponsoring a gruesome operation that often shot, hanged, drowned or electrocuted losing dogs.

Be still my tiny cold black heart, be still.

Finally, Something for the Space-Age-Jet-Set!

A truck mounted LASER BEAM!

The US Army is developing a truck-mounted laser weapon
to destroy rockets, artillery shells and mortars.
And melt your face.

Your Friendly Minor League Media Demon

Wonders the following:

Why are his floors not cleaned!
Why is his laundry undone!
Why no food is in his refrigerator!

He feels that if he were a larger and less friendly media demon, he
would not have these problems.

He is probably right.

So here is a nice compilation of things about underwear.

It's not good

And there's a lot of bad bad things. But it's updated a lot, and I've seen some really funny things at the sickapedia.

I already mentioned it's not good.

Monday has revealed

That the Sucker Gods have me by the balls.

Please be aware that the Sucker Gods are a crafty bunch, and might also have you by the (proverbial, or literal) balls yourself. By the way, I'm not against the Sucker Gods, when they're working for me, just when dealing with 'em, you often get the short end of the stick.

Is it hot?!?

Wherever you might be?

Yeah - two questions for yas. Can you handle it - not the heat, I mean questions? I figure you can, just because I believe in you. However, if you're stuck in the middle of a heatwave somewhere across the great expanse of the northern hemisphere (nice word there, no?) then here's a nice link to remind you that there are things that are just too hot.

Yeesh...

As cool as this is, it doesn't change the fact that I'm working.

Soooo...what are you doing to fight the terrorists?

Me? What? I...are you asking me what I'm doing to fight the terrorists? Well, I'm, err, keeping informed of current events, I'm becoming outraged watching a bunch of 6-year-olds try and deal with the world of global diplomacy, and I'm beginning to grow very tired of people COMMENTING ON IT.

Holy crap. Just humongous piles of holy blessed-by-Gjod-himself steaming mountains of oozing, volcanically exploding CEEEE-RAP!!!!!

Fucking do, or Fucking do not. "Commenting" and "talking" is "FUCKING DO NOT."

And yes, I am fully aware I am in the "FUCKING DO NOT" camp. I am however, also living in my own private fantasyland. It's extremely nice here.

So Anyways, I was thinking about Vancouver (bitchingly nice town) as a possible escape from my, err, country. Then I saw a thing about Mexico offering U.S. citizens full legal status (not sure if that one's legit atall but anyhoo) knowing that the U.S is in fact a nation fully integrated with both Canada and Mexico through NAFTA, why, shouldn't I be a citizen of North America? I imagine myself flying from the tip of the Baha (and one of my all time favorite names for a Sea - THE SEA OF CORTEZ) up to the incessant chilly rains that make the Northwest so Gjoddamn green. You'll notice I didn't have to even once stop in the U.S. So I suppose this is the new idea I'll be spouting for about three hours - Citizenry of North America. Of course, if this were to come to pass, someone somewhere would fuck it up. So again, being in the "Fucking do not" camp, I have come up with a brilliant idea, which would inevitably fail, and turn out horribly. In fact, by doing nothing, I have just saved everyone a whole lot of effort and misery. Yaay!

In other Fjord related news, there's this Viking Hoard. Oop, I meant THIS VIKING HOARD which was found by some idiots with a metal detector.

And Keeping up with the Sea Stallion, the replica Viking ship that was doing something, somewhere, far away, with people who have no jobs and maybe want to be Viking re-enactors had to get a tow across the North Sea. And that makes this particular fjordlover, very very sad. If I was the Captain of the Sea Stallion, I don't care what the cost, physical, financial, mental...I'd fucking make the crossing like a fjucking Viking would.

Of course we already mentioned I live in a fantasyland, and It's extremely nice here.

Reasons You Might Be Hiding

1) Giant Insects
2) Mummies
xxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxx
5) Insurgents
6) Sharks/Eels
7) Death Car
8) Pimp
9) Boss
10) Crazy Homless Guy

I really wanted to cut out #2 and #3, but then there only would have been eight reasons for hiding...ahh, what the hell.

TEETH!

BECAUSE ALL CAPS MAKE THINGS SEEM EXCITING!

However, this guy with a tooth stuck in his head is kinda good.

Elephants!

I suppose the real question is...

were they drunk?

Incase I don't make anything new this weekend

here's something to tide you over.

found at the evercool neatorama.

Fridays...Badgers...yaknow the usual...

I was busy just now reading over some older stuff I'd written somewhere else, and happily surprised. It's one thing to call yourself a writer (or worse, *said with sarcasm dripping off the tongue* a blogger) But hell, you are what you are, and you ain't what you ain't...I think someone said somewhere, sometime ago. Anyhoo, it's nice to sometimes be reminded you might be good at what you claim to do.

But...as I was scanning the internets for you, I came across this!
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod...!!!!!
Such brilliant news...and in so many ways. The first and foremost being the line

British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra.

Oh Gjod! Did that get my heart racing. Even having to deny that you released a plague of ferocious badgers anywhere is nearly one of the coolest things anyone could ever have to say. Of course this led to a whole bevy of badger related internettings, such as my primary concern, "is plague of ferocious badgers taken as a band name." Which fortunately was not (for my aspiring musician friends) or perhaps this little nicety with the headline...Farmers Admit to Gassing Badgers. I guess I can sort of understand why I might have missed this story in 05, but WOW!

And who can forget the loveable badger song that graced the internets in our early love affair of all that's stupid online? Literally, it seems that the badger is a comedy goldmine.

Well, I'd like very much to wrap this up by re-linking to a Friday post back in July 15th in '05, because, even tho it has nothing to do with badgers, this one's close to my heart.

Happy Friday

MMmmmmmnnnn...

This one's for if you like shoes.

I'm No Scientician

But is there anything Stem Cells can't do?

Hey Hatshepsut! Tsunami set me!

In the last post I was (mocking? advertising?) my skills as a dude who's got his "blogging chops" back so hardcore raging that after a couple of hours he's back in action...only, clearly I don't.

Since three posts down I linked to a story about Queen Hatshepsut...and well, I kinda slipped and didn't re-link myself. Anyhoo - seeing's as this is one less mummy we have to worry about, and an extremely powerful one at that, I'm happy as fuck to have her *ahem* under wraps. I haven't heard when we're gonna burn the bitch, but I say it's ASAP!

And if you're all feeling like this mummy crap is coming to a close, and you can continue about your normal life like there's no problem...just remember this:

Also not accounted for are the pharaohs Ay and Horemheb, who successively seized the throne after King Tut's death, and Ramses VII and Ramses VIII, obscure kings of the late New Kingdom. But perhaps the most sought-after missing mummy is that of Akhenaten, the pharaoh who turned Egypt upside down and introduced the nearest thing to monotheism Ancient Egypt ever knew, and his beautiful queen, Nefertiti, who is portrayed in a famous bust in Berlin.

There are six Uber-Powerful mummies out there that you wouldn't stand a chance against. There's also like 9000 mummies you've never heard of that still would love to eat your soul. Please be careful out there.

So while I was out looking for something clever

I stumbled upon this!

In the study, women spoke a daily average of 16,215 words during their waking hours, and men 15,669 words.

The researchers say this difference is not significant.

Lead researcher Matthias Mehl said: "What's a 500-word difference, compared to the 45,000-word difference between the most and the least talkative persons?"

Which led me back to THIS! Which, unfortunately, was a little harder for me to find than you suspected. But what gave me a start was that it was from 2005! Two Gjoddamn years ago! That's when I stumbled across this story, and now as a follow-up...just for you, my friendly Fjordlings...because yer pal Tsunami is...bad enough to remember a post two years ago, and remember it's relevant. Please, don't stop squalkin', 'cause I won't, until the mummy gets me. Sorry, I mean, The Mummies! I'm pretty sure no single mummy could take me without help, since I do have powerful defenses. Have you maintained or upgraded yours too?

I am Throwing Up Blood

And I like it. It might be the most creative thing I’ve done in 2007! The splatters of red on my off-white walls, and linoleum are really striking. And in fact, I’m pretty sure I’m going to take some photos, and get some frames, and make some pieces out of them. I guess after that it’s off to the art galleries. Someone somewhere will take them I’m sure.

Here's a fun one from a guy I like enough to read every day.


In other news…
The long (horribly long) drawn-out (horribly horribly drawn out) masterpiece of penmanship, (thanks laser printer!) mad typing skills, (thanks most useful of digits) creative process (drug and booze addled brains, ) and about 1600 hours of sittin’ on the arse holder I call a desk chair…I’m just about to release the top secret idea I’ve been working on for the last year - into the internets. Since hardly anyone swings by anymore, there’s really no danger in it escaping before its time, but I really can’t take that chance until I’ve covered myself in the legal shields I can, at this stage, afford! However, I’d say this is good news.

I found this great piece of video at the place where a couple of “Table of Malcontents” writers ended up ectoplasmosis
(it’s a great place already, go see their stuff) But this’ll knock your socks off.


http://view.break.com/323537 - Watch more free videos

Happy Friday