In a tangentially related development to the yardfucking celebration of Earthday, Russian mankinders are fucking the earth with a monumentally sized mechanical dildo!
“Well, we started back in the 70’s,” Says Boris “Vodka” Stoli, “since we had lots of cold war money around. The Politburo would never have agreed to a 40,000 foot long dildo, so we just called it a drill.” (note, scroll down a bit to see the artist rendition of the “tip” FHAP? I GUESS!)
As the dildo plunged down through the earth’s tasty outer crust, actual screams of pleasure were heard from the earth itself. (Of course making the rounds on the Christian websites, which have for eons wanted to deny the earth any fucking pleasure, have suggested an alternate theory …which should be discarded as complete fallacy - it’s Scientific Fact that the earth does have orgasms…but that’s another story)
“After twenty years we basically gave up doing it,” continued Stoli, “We were just worn out, and the equipment was beginning to fail. The earth said it was good for her too, but, it’s really hard to know if she was just being nice. I suppose we’ll have to take some comfort that it was the best she’s ever had - until someone comes along with a longer and thicker one."
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