GASP! Terry Shaivo Killed the Pope!!

New evidence reveals that it's practically indisputable that Terry Shiavo, in a vain effort to attach herself to ANY feeding tube whether it was stuck in the Pope or not, actually could have quite possibly murdered your Pontiff!!

Actually, folks, I don't have any of what you would call "facts" to support this claim. Hell, I'll say it, I don't even have "truths," or "reliable sources" I can point you to on this one. What I do have, however, is a can-do attitude, a love for flimsy gossip and a keen eye for catching bullshit others may have missed. I like to call that bullshit "metaphorical evidence." Allow me to present my case.

Perhaps the Holy Envoy between Earthlings and Gjod just decided he had had enough of living in a world where the media, a government and a small bit of plastic tubing used to shove "food" into a dead mouth (Mmmmmm....dead mouth) was turned into a frenzy of UNREAL proportion. Yes, that's right. When put like that, you can hardly turn a blind eye to the "facts." Simply put, the Pope grew tired of leading a Flock of Idiots. This whole Shaivo ordeal pushed him to his Holy limits. In point of fact, it is my belief that the Pope's last wheeze of his Holy life sounded something like this, "Wheeze......there'll only......wheeze-cough-gasp.....be more Shaivo's, man. Wheeze-cough-hack.....fuck Earth, yo's! Hack-hack....I'm outty." Now, sure, I don't have any proof that the Pope actually wheezed this on his death bed, but I ask you, Dear Reader, do you have any proof he DIDN'T? Furthermore, doesn't that all sound like something the Pope would wheeze? The prosecution rests. Terry Shaivo killed Gjod's favorite earthbound minion. The metaphoric case to support posthumous involuntary manslaughter is undeniable......

Abstinence....Best......Religion....Ever......