Wierd Moments in Life to Masturbate - A Fjord Pjost

Hey Fjordlings! Just a thought: Have you ever wanted to masturbate REALLY bad, but weren't sure if it'd be appropriate? Ever wondered, "Gosh, I'd love to have a go right now, but I just don't know if the situation is right." Well, Beasts, here comes yet another reason why there's Fjord. Sit back, relax. Fjord's about to make life even less complicated for you. We're about to clue you in on when it's maybe not the best time to "smack the cobra against the wall and see if it spits anti-venom."

THE JOB INTERVIEW - This is a wierd moment in life to masturbate. Prospective employers generally do not want you getting spooge all over their paperwork/office equipment. Remember: Employers want to fuck YOU. They don't want you fucking yourself.....

DROPPING YOUR KIDS OFF AT DAYCARE - Or, "The Kiddie Pool Rule." Fjolks, it is NEVER - repeat NEVER - ok to grease your plow when there are children present. If you simply MUST have yourself right then, gently tell your children, "Mommy/Daddy's a little pent up right now. She/He needs to stand behind those bushes over there and cum real quick." You know, get CREATIVE! Remember: Parenting is about honesty and communication....

FUNERALS - Well, not ALL funerals. Some funerals masturbating is more than ok. Examples: Your Grandmother's funeral. This is a DEFINITE pud puller. Your Uncle's funeral? Well, sir, let me just say it'll be a cold day in the Hell that bastard's living eternity in before you'll ever let him see your junk again. Rot in Hell, Uncle Whiskeybreath! Remember: Not all masturbation is painless...

GOING THROUGH A WASTEBASKET IN THE WOMEN'S RESTROOM OF A FAMOUS DEPARTMENT STORE, LOOKING FOR USED TAMPONS TO SNIFF - Hey, doing that is wierd enough. Why you wanna make it worse by beating off? Remember: Getting caught in the women's restroom is only a misdemeanor. Getting caught in the women's bathroom polishing your spear and magic helmet is a felony. Keep yourself informed....

And finally,

PRISON - Well, unless it's women's prison. Between all you Fjordstuffs and me, if they ever finally catch me and I'm facing serious prison time, I've always said I'd get an immediate sex change. For those of you who haven't been to my profile page, let me tell you I'm currently 100% aaaaaall man, so a sex change for me would mean becoming a woman, ok? So, you're following me, right? That's right, I'm talking about - WOMEN'S PRISON!!! Free cable, 3 squares and all those steamy shower scenes!!

Anyway, what was the point of this post again? Oh yeah, women's prison must be REALLY kewl...