The thing is, Fjordsters, New York is pretty kick ass. Anything you want, literally anytime you want it, can be yours. It truly is a land of sheer opportunity. I think it was Huey Lewis who said it best when he warbled (in regards to our fair city), "Where else can you do a half a million things, all at a quarter to three?" Now, let's hope the Hue-Man was speaking metaphorically when he boldly asked that musical question, as to even approach the idea of doing something as crazy as attempting to do a half a million things at one time is the most certain road to madness, save a nasty case of syphilis. Not to mention, Mr. Lewis failed to say if he was talking about 2:45 Anti-Meridian, or 2:45 Post-Meridian. It makes a difference, because if you're up at 2:45AM and attempting to do a half a million things at once, you are probably in the throes of a wonderful crack binge. In which case, you could probably give doing a half a million things the old college try and perhaps even succeed unscathed, except for the fact that you are a crackhead. If you are attempting to do a half a million things at 2:45PM, you probably have already been driven straight mad by your syphilis and should add, "Check into mental hospital" to your list of things to do at 2:45......
Anyway, moving along, if you have ever spent time in NYC in the beautiful Summer months, you know this Gjoddamn Shit Pit that I love so dear, can re-write the book on "Ummm....What the Fuck is That Smell?" For realz, Playa's, sometimes it's like Stink, working in conjuncture with the evil scienticians stationed in the Reek Ward of Satan's Ball Sack, have devised a Systematic Olfactory Attack Stench (S.O.A.S.) sending mystery wafts of mischief up into your nose, which shoots a signal to your brain that causes you to exclaim, "Jesus Unholy Mary Mother of Fuck Me Runnin' Christ, what in the name of Gjod's Bed Pan could possibly make a scent like that on this fucking planet? CAN THERE BE A GJOD?!?!? CAN THERE BE A GJOD?!?!?!?"
And so my Merry Fjordsters, in the spirit of all of that, at the tail end of the rest of my Summertime posts, I'm gonna let y'all in on just what in the Sam Hell New York City is smelling like on that particular day. Ready? Let's play!
Tuesday, June 28th in the Year of "Our" Ljord 2K5, New York City smells like:
Urine-ish......Well, urinary tract-like......Fuck it, you know what? It smells like fucking piss out there, you guys......SOOPA OLD PISS.......Like if you were an explorer and you re-discovered the legendary Piss Caves that no human or beast had entered in centuries, but the last time they did they dropped an old skool piss party down in there.......
Happy Tuesday!
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