Dario Tsunami Warning

I have a question I want to put out into the internets, cause, I'm a trifle confused.

Okay, it's about the Tsunami Warning.
It seems earlier this morning they issued a Tsunami warning, and then quickly cancelled it. I'm confused, and nobody has been able to explain it to me. Was this a warning for me, or for people to watch out for me? Nobody's saying anything. I mean, if it was a warning FOR me, I just wonder, how I'm supposed to get this important warning information. Email? Smoke signals? The side of the Goodyear Blimp? Shouldn't someone at least tell me how to access the Tsunami Warning System?

Now, I was pretty confused (as you might imagine) after hearing all the talk about "Tsunami Aid." At first I thought it was pretty cool, people all over the world getting together to help me out. Gjod knows I could use it. But after a few months, I wonder if all the money raised in my name has been absconded with - cause I haven't seen a dime. I'm hoping that maybe they're having a hard time booking Ed McMahn, or they've got technical issues with printing such a very, very large check.