Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Tsunami Rocks Fjord!

It occurs to me now, looking at the title of this post, that if I were a Netherlander, I'd panick that many of my loved ones may be washed out to sea, homeless, dead or worse. To those fair-haired, blue eyed beasts of the Norse, I say relax. Before you cease your raping/plundering, board your many Viking ships and set sail for your homeland, know that I merely meant DARIO Tsunami. And the referenced "Fjord?" Well, that's just in regards to our li'l ol' blog site, man! That title is just a tip of the hat to Dario for keeping the nation apprised of- well, the national goings on, whilst the East Coast branch of Fjord fights through a bad case of the "Where the fuck did the East Coast branch of Fjord go-s." There's a lot of the "Where the fucks" going around right now, so be wary.

A couple of things. First, I hate public bathrooms. HATE them! The bathroom here at work, for instance, must sing the sweetest "Come Dump in My Many Toilets" siren song ever heard by every male in this building, except for me. There is a CONSTANT string of business types in there releasing their processed foods all f'n day. Which means, every time I have to take a piss, I'm forced to inhale their ungodly, at times otherworldly, shit fumes. I don't know what a body can do to get rid of shit fumes once they're inhaled, but I'll bet whatever the body has to do to rid itself of that, it's not easy. As for me, I would NEVER shit in a public restroom. I'd rather drop dead where I sit and, after the autopsy, have the Coroner say, "Well, he was just packed with shit. That's what killed him," than dump in a disgusting public restroom. Hell, I'll even go so far as to say I'd rather push a stroller through a crowded street festival--a crowded street festival, folks--than do my business where countless others have. Although, I could be knee-jerking here cuz the fume thing just happened to me and it made me mad.......

Also, another thing that irks me is when I bitch about the lousy, Winter weather and people say, "Well, you grew up in the Midwest! You should be used to this by now!" Like, come on man! Just cuz I grew up in it, it shouldn't affect me?!?!? It's BECAUSE I grew up in it, that I should have all the license in the world to hate it! I mean, I'd LOVE to meet the nutfuck who gets used to sub-zero temperatures and fuckboats of snow! Gimme a break! That's equivalent to looking at an anorexic and saying, "You NEVER eat! You should be used to malnourishment by now!" Of course, if you said that to an anorexic, you'd silence the room. But rip on a Midwesterner for hatin' on Winter and you're just being "folksy".......

I guess the East Coast Branch is back......For whatever that's worth.....

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not that you wanted to know this, but this unfortunate bathroom phenomenon is not limited to men's rooms. I have to hold my breath every time I walk into the women's restroom at work. What are these people eating?

D.T. said...

west coast, central, east-siiide...we're all part of the same Fjord!