Top o' the mornin' to ye, booze hounds! Yes, it's that time of year again. ST. PATTY'S DAY! The one day of the year the Irish (yours truly included) can gather and quietly reflect on what it means to be part of such a historic culture. It's also the one day of the year we, as a people, are allowed to actually let our hair down for once and fricken PARTY, for God's sake! Or, if you're like me (Gjod fjorbid), this day serves as a constant reminder of unrequited love. Allow me to explain.
Three years ago, I fell in love with a leprechaun. Now, any of you who've taken the plunge and allowed yourself to do this, know that this is no small feat (sigh, forgive me for the "small feat" bit, but the "Writing About Leprechauns Act Of 1645" requires you to make at least two, if not 17, snide remarks about the stature of leprechauns. This Act is also referred to as "The Thumbing Our Noses at Those Tiny, Green Psychos for Not Telling Us the Whereabouts of That Damned Pot of Gold Act.") Anyway, I digress. Where was I? Ahhh, yes.....my mini-lady love. Her name was Trouble O'Mally and man did she live up to her name. Everything she did just SCREAMED O'Mally, you know? Anyway, long story short (sigh, snide remark 2), we banged, I fell in love and she broke my heart. I'd give you more details, but the "If You Should Happen to Bang a Leprechaun, You Must Never Dole Out Specific Details Act of 1776" forbids me from telling you more. This Act is also referred to as "The How Did You Get Your Dick in Something That Teensy Act." Or, the "Don't Ask Act."
At any rate, rest assured that whenever I binge drink, visit a strip club featuring only midgets, or try to cram my shit into a small crack or crevice, the wind whispers "Stop it!"
Happy St. Patrick's Day all!!
By the way, it should be noted that the year 1776 had a couple of truly historic Acts pass. Some truly unheralded Acts......
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2 comments:
Hey, Q..there isn't a "Leprechaun Bitch Protection Clause" in any of those acts is there? Because I think I'm about to go on a jealous rampage after that whore.
You must inform me immediately before my rage gets out of control.
(The Puerto Rican Beatdown Act of 1983 states that PR people are not responsible for their actions after the mental "blackout period".)
Hey, Q..there isn't a "Leprechaun Bitch Protection Clause" in any of those acts is there? Because I think I'm about to go on a jealous rampage after that whore.
You must inform me immediately before my rage gets out of control.
(The Puerto Rican Beatdown Act of 1983 states that PR people are not responsible for their actions after the mental "blackout period".)
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