Maybe it's just me....

But haven't kids had it too good for too long in this world? I mean, let's FINALLY get frank and open on the subject. Cuz if it's not just me who thinks this, then there's possibly a lot of us out there who think this way and are just too scared to say it. And what, pray tell, are we scared of? Kids? Jesus Christ, Earthlings, is that what I'm to understand here? That we're all so afraid to speak out against kids that we continue to just let them run roughshod all over the place? Well, I for one, refuse to take this shit from kids anymore.

Look, here's the straight dish. Kids aren't smart, ok? Really. You can convince a kid of anything. They are so fucking gullible it'd be laughable if it wasn't so easy to bullshit them. Take this one kid, for example. I told this kid I used to babysit that if he gave me $20, I'd protect him from the alien attack that was sure to happen to him somewhere during the course of the night. You should have seen his face when I sat there eating a turkey sandwich while those aliens practically tore him limb from limb! He was all screaming, "I thought you were gonna protect me!!!" I just laughed. At one point, I think I mumbled through a mouthful of turkey, "Come on, kid! It wasn't obvious to you when we made this "deal" that I'm powerless against aliens? I mean, look at me. You're just stupid enough to deserve what's happening to you!" Then, I choked a little on the turkey, cuz I had run out of milk. I forget what happened after, but I'll never forget the look on that kids' face! Classic!

The thing about kids is they're just like the elderly, really. They're wrinkly, they're easily bamboozled (as we just learned), they're helpless and they have a real tendency to mess their diapers. Tell me, folks, just what in the name of Christ's Bed Slippers is cute/endearing about ANY of that? A kid shits himself and everyone clamours to smell his pants to see if he did it. An old person shits themselves and you have to sift through it to find what remains of that persons' dignity. Hey, let's not forget, that elderly person probably did SOMETHING during the course of his/her life. What the fuck has a kid done yet to warrent me getting his/her shit on my hands? Clue: NOTHING!

So, people, upon reading this, I hope you feel much more free! Go out and knock a kid on his/her ass. Fuck it, right? What's that kid gonna do? Cry? Heh-heh...what a loser!

In closing, it occurred to me the other day that WRITING a BOOK about overcoming dyslexia is the most irresponsible thing an author can do......