Doom...Dooom...DOOOOOOOOM

I've been thinking a lot about doom lately. It's not the kind of word a guy like me throws around lightly, because, it's kind of a heavy word. One might say that it means - destined to a tragic fate, and one (if that were someone's name) would be dead-on right. However, doom also means, just plain old fate.

I'd certainly like to be the guy that was doomed to take up the banner of the fjords, and march them to such greatness, that through the demand of the people, the Feds had to suck it up and provide a fjord for every citizen of the U.S., or at least a really big one per neighborhood, so they could share it. Now there's a doom I could really be proud of.

I haven't crunched the exact numbers just yet, but according to the census department 295,397,996 people live in the country just now, and I figure for about 10 bucks a person, we could really be looking at a feasible plan. However, when I first proposed this to the Secretary of the Interior, he said, "Mr. Tsunami, how on earth do you expect congress to authorize an expenditure of nearly three-trillion dollars for fjord construction? You're batshit-loonball crazy!" And then he had his goons throw me out -with extreme prejudice- to the street. Fucker.

Fjord construction wouldn't take place in a void. I mean, guys have to move dirt, draw up plans, put landscapes in place, construct water delivery systems...this kind of spillover could employ every unemployed person (and temps, and people with crappy jobs, and those who just like to be outside...) and all those people would be making more money, they'd pay more taxes, and they'd spend more of their money on electronics and in boutiques and on cute Japanese pop culture toys - right? More tax! It's simple economics. Fjord construction would, in the end, pay for itself.

Not only that, but, consider the countries that might begin to think likewise, and begin fjord construction plans of their own. These people would look for expertise in fjord building, and where would they look? Not to Sweden, not to Norway - those guys don't know dick about making fjords, they had fjords right there when they moved in. No, they'd come to America, and hire our guys out as contractors and specialists.

Of course, our strategic competitors would begin worrying about a fjord-gap, and start a program of their own. I'm thinking Chinese here, those guys could get a Fjord program up and running (and for far cheaper labor costs for sure) in no time. But hey, would it really make me worried that there were fjords being made in China? C'mon, they just barely shot a guy into space, (we've been doing that for near 50 years!) and we all know their fjord project would be riddled with corruption, and fall well behind schedule. Probably would be shoddy quality fjords too.

Soooo...doom. I suppose this might be my doom, I guess that's the funny thing, you never really know what your doom is, until the very, very end. Then you can look back and go, "Huh? So that was my doom." And after that realization, you'll probably mutter the words, "Great...juuuust great."

Anyways, if you're ever up in the dark of night, unable to sleep, and wondering about what your doom is, or is going to be...wouldn't it be nice if you could take a short stroll, and ponder that huge and massive question at your own scenic fjord?

Your damn right it would.

Happy Friday