Reality Check

Sorry for the light posting as of late, but I had a reality check yesterday.

See, last night, I was trying to make another psychic blog post, when I was interrupted by a phone call. I answered it and found out, that, in fact, I wasn’t able to blog psychically at all. It turns out that after ingesting ecstasy, mushrooms, coke and my cocktail of valium/lithium/codeine, and an ungodly amount of tequila, I walked to my neighbor’s house, broke in through the back window, and used his computer to make all those words appear in cyberspace. I’m kind of ashamed, (and not just of that extremely long sentence) especially since, while in his house, I took off my clothes, and he took a lot of pictures to show the police, his ugly cousin, and the internets. And I’m even more weirded out by the fact that during this scene, I was busy screaming, “I HAVE ASIATIC BIRD FLU!, I HAVE ASIATIC BIRD FLU! I HAVE ASIATIC BIRD FLU!” I don't remember that at all.

My one consolation prize? Something someone said to me a long time ago.
We all have problems.

On the brighter side, last week I paid an ungodly amount of money for a super-deluxe sword-cane. And yesterday, shortly after that phone call, it arrived. Now, I’m loving the hell out of life. The first thing I did was name my sword-cane. I call her, “Esmeralda.” I strolled to work with it this morning, and felt like the most suave guy on the subway. Over lunch, I slashed up a bike courier’s bike tires while he was waiting for a red light. Man, was he surprised! Later, I lept up on the big board-room table, and carved my initials into the mahogany- just like Zorro! It really livened up that meeting- take my word for it. And tonight, is the big rock-n-roll show, and the first time I get to take Esmeralda out to a social event.

If it goes over as well as I think it’s going to, I promise, I’m going to make an “official” Fjord sword-cane available for purchase, once we get our official “merch” operation rolling. (This might take longer than I had planned, since my post about “DOOOOM” last week indirectly touched on the fact that the Chinese DO have a fjord building project, and they didn’t like me slandering it. So as retribution, their sweatshops are now “officially” off limits until 2010. Fucking Commies…)

Well anyways, if you’re out and about tonight, and you see a drug-and-drunk crazed fellow in a white linen suit, wearing glasses and carrying a black polished cane(or sword) - and he’s shouting, “I HAVE ASIATIC BIRD FLU!” Come on over and say “hello.” We’ll talk about fjords.

Happy Friday.