While walking to my lovely midtown office this morning, I noticed an inordinate number of people with dirt on their foreheads. My initial thought process was that numerous people had fallen down right on the front of their heads. "My God!" thought I, "I'd better brace myself. There must be some hella slippery sidewalks up ahead." Then, it dawned on me. I work pretty close to St. Patrick's Cathedral and CHRIST'S NIGHTSHIRT IF IT ISN'T ASH FUCKING WEDNESDAY!!!! To you Catholic's out there, I bid you a happy....ummmm....guilt day......
Now, I have been asked by some folks today why my forehead remains ashless. I don't fault people for asking me this. I mean, I certainly display all the characteristics of a Catholic citizen. I mean, I wear clothes to cover my shame. When eating, if I'm offered seconds I only accept apologetically. I fear the Christ out of "God," I suppose, if everyone else does. I'm bi-pedal. And human. All those things seem to add up to Catholicism, especially since I don't look particularily Muslim, but here's the real deal on Q-dog. I'm a shit eating Lutheran. On the surface, there appears to be no difference between Catholics and Lutherans, true enough, but for those of you not in the know, let me offer up two VERY discernable differences. One: Lutherans believe that "God" is a deer-ape hybrid with laser shooting eyes and Two: Lutherans refuse to walk around looking like filthy headed idiots. I hope this clears things up for my oft misunderstood Lutheran breathren. I'm sure they'd be THRILLED to have me speak for them......
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