It's time for an interview with:

THE MADD COBBLER!Yea, though he cobbles shoes, he is also quite insane! Let's find out what a modern day shoe fixer with the brain pan of a syphellis sufferer has to say! Read on.....
Q: Cobbler: Shoe-maker/Repairman, or pastry?
A: Are you asking me which one I'd eat? Cuz I'd definitely eat the shoe-maker/repairman. If he was a woman. And made from a flaky crust......and stuffed with fruit......
Q: In what ways, and intensity, is your madness different from the Mad File Clerk's? (The Mad File Clerk will be introduced in a subsequent interview)
A: I was under the impression that this wasn't going to be a fluff piece, but if you're going to ask easy questions, I will answer them, Interviewer. I'm going to make our differences abundantly clear once and for all. I AM MORE INSANE THAN THAT BASTARD IS CRAZY!!! And let me tell you something else. (BIG pause)
Q: Do you live in a shoe?
A: Let me ask you this, Interviewer. Do you live in an interview?
Q: Why exactly did you decide to become a cobbler?
A: One doesn't decide to become a cobbler. Cobbler decides to become YOU. (sinister laugh) Plus, my father loaned me his business. I suppose he grew tired of his 35-year old son laying around his basement sniffing the laundry. He was a real prick......
Q: Name your favorite marsupial.
A: Charlie.
Q: I have heard you utilize a currency of your own creation. What do you use for money?
A: (laughs) My, you've done your homework, Interviewer. I use the little plastic tips on the ends of shoelaces. And blow jobs. So far, only blow jobs are considered an "accepted" currency where I do business, but I'm hopeful and sore that that will soon change!
Q: If you could, would you destroy the sun?
A: Why? Has the sun said anything to you about me?
Q: Why?
A: Well, I was talking shit about the sun a few days ago. Frankly, the sun can kiss my lilly white ass. You can tell it I said that, too! I mean, really, who wouldn't destroy the sun if given the chance? Am I right? Wait. Don't answer that. Let me answer that for you. You damn right I'm right!
Q: Do you have a favorite pair of shoes and what kind are you wearing right now?
A: I am asked this question all the time, actually. The answer is quite interesting. (HUGE pause)
Q: Apart from the fact that shoes go on them, what do you know about feet?
A: That they're strong. They feel deeply. And they would NEVER knowingly hurt anyone.
Q: Sports?
A: Yes, I believe there are, although I've never actually seen one.
Q: What is the arch enemy of the cobbling profession?
A: Well, Interviewer, you seem to have answered you own question. The arch actually IS the enemy of the cobbler. Each foot with a different contour. Very perplexing.
Q: Ever fixed shoes under the influence of any drug?
A: SHOES CANNONT INGEST DRUGS!!!! (hysterical laughter) NOW who is the one who is insane?
Q: Is shoe repair, while under the influence of drugs, illegal?
A: The Cobbler follows only the law of the shoe and foot. To me, your "man laws" ain't shit but ho's and tricks. If you'll excuse me now, I have to take my court appointed nap.......

Well, there you have it, folks! Crazy, isn't he? Stay tuned for further interviews with such icons as The Mad File Clerk, Steve the Openly Gay Forest Ranger and Max the Guy Who Loves Too Much......