It seems as though the enemies of Fjord have devised another attempt at undermining our fair and balanced publication. This time, they sent a legion of HUGE KILLER ANTS to swarm into my beloved Casa Aloha.
I had seen a few of their scouts leaking into my bathroom a few days earlier, through an open window, but with the use of Dow Scrubbing Bubbles, (a cleaning product heartily endorsed by D. Tsunami - and also (I might add) an effective ant killer) and Resolve carpet cleaner...and some toilet paper, I was able to dispatch them without too much trouble.
However, Friday night was The Toast of the Town's Birthday cele-brashin, and to start off the night, we dined on Wendy's cheesburgers. Saturday, I stayed inside avoiding the unusually harsh and totally unnecessarily bright sun, and did some reading. While engaged in said activity, I helped myself to more than a couple apples. Not wanting to get up from the easy-chair, I noticed the handy Wendy's bag-just begging to become a trash receptacle. I have a hard time saying no to begging. Well, as I was placing another juicy apple-core into the bag, I noticed it was completely swarmed with ants!
I picked up the bag...and ran back and forth through the house like an idiot screaming and wondering what I should do with it. A calm voice spoke to me thru my brain.
"Take it outside to the dumpster."
I thought about what the voice said, and it sounded pretty good. I ran out, opened the dumpster and threw the bag in. As I did, I saw literally a river of ants pouring in and out of the dumpster. "My Gjod," I thought, "they've taken the dumpster too!" They were too numberous to deal with with my bare hands, and who knows what diseases lurk within that dumpster's bacterium. Besides, they were in my home! I ran back inside.
Knowing I first saw them in the bathroom, I dashed there, and sure enough, a huge trail of ants were leaking in and out of a crack onto my white bathroom floor. I proceeded to massacre them. The bubbles dried up, I threw the can away. I grabbed the Resolve. "Not for use on tile or glass" The warning read. I didn't have time for warnings! I mopped up the rest with paper towels. I stood over the carnage and felt triumphant. For the first time in weeks.
Happy Birthday Toast!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Thanks man! For the being the Pol Phoc of the ant world, you are not a bad bathroom cleaning correspondent. And I'm not saying that because I'm rubbing my balls in petroleum jelly either.
What A Weekend!
It's heartening to hear that so many others have dealt with this scourge...it's almost like a support group. Lotta' love in this here comments section. Now, lets dessimate some insectoids!
Post a Comment