Tonight's episode brought to you by...

Sam's Scepter Warehouse!

Nobody listens anymore? Not getting the respect you deserve? Then what you need is a fancy Royal Scepter to bash your subjects skulls in! That's right, no self-deserving noble entity such as yourself should be seen without a Scepter. People act differently around a scepter, and we've got all-kinds of selection down here at Sam's to prove it! From $100 to $100-million, we've got the Scepter you and your subjects need! What are you waiting for? Get your Royal-Badness down to SAM'S SCEPTER WAREHOUSE!

Cut to: ANIMAL PLANET
(a hushed voiceover)
And here, the king of the beasts holds court.
(mid-shot of the action...the V.O. fades as real action takes its place)
The proud Lion awaits, as a Giraffe dressed in noble-court finery saunters up on his huge legs. He takes out a scroll, which unrolls across the floor to rest at the bottom step of the Lion's throne.

"Ahem," The Giraffe clears his throat. It has been hereby declared, that you, Oh Most Magestic of Creatures, Lord of Mammals, and King of All Beasts, are deemed unfit to hold the License to Drive."
"What!?" The Lion roars! (a few gazelles and zebras take off, their hooves slipping and clattering on the polished throne-room floor)
"I'm afraid it is written, M'Lord." The Giraffe calmly speaks.
The King of all beasts rises up, and claws the scroll away from the Giraffe. He scans the scroll, mumbling as he does.
"Due to...mumble mumble...poor vision testing...mumble mumble, unable to obey speed limit...grumble grumble...hitting two pedestrians while taking DRIVERS TEST! This will not stand!" His proud lion voice explodes. The wildebeest herd all look up in alarm, (tho still chewing their cud.) and brace to make like the zebras, who are long gone by now. The hyenas in the back are looking like they'll crack-up at any second.
"Bring me the driving tester from the D.M.V." The Lion says.
"All right Your Worshipness, however the scroll has been affixed with the official seal." Says Giraffe.
"Just do it."
Giraffe ambles off, and twenty minutes later returns with a penguin, looking official in his tuxedo, and a small D.M.V. cap.
"You failed me." Lion says to the Penguin.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"You failed to pass the driver's license exam...not to mention that you struck two pedestrians during your road test."
"They were Water-Buffalo! They're my prey!" Shouts Lion.
"That's no excuse for poor driving." Says the Inspector.
Lion springs from his throne, a mighty scepter in his right paw. He grips the Penguin by the throat with his left, and bashes his head with the regal implement. Blood and brains ooze out of the Penguin's head, as he slides to the ground.
"Giraffe, make me another appointment for a drivers test."
"Well, " says Giraffe, "I'm not sure what good that would do..."
"Just spread the word of what happened to the last inspector that failed me."
The Giraffe sighs. This is the third time...
"Very well, Your Royal-Badness."

And that is why you'll be needing a scepter. Make it happen, AT SAM'S SCEPTER WAREHOUSE!!!!