Watch Your Pineapple

I, like most people, have often wondered what my spirit animal would be. After my short jaunt up to the Pacific Northwest, I saw many totems and wildlife, but none of them spoke to me. They didn't suggest a new career track, or wisdom from the animal world...they just did what animals normally do, which was eat stuff that they found lying around.

Back in Los Angeles, I rested a moment at a marble table in the plaza. I watched people move about, and saw a fly zip past, and it landed on my shoulder. I didn't even notice, until it spoke to me.
"Dario, I'm your spirit animal." It said into my ear. I looked around...
"Who?" I said, as confused as a modern humanid can be when confronted by a clear disembodied voice.
"Me, the fly on your shoulder." I looked over.
"My spirit animal is a fucking fly?" I said. "Why does this not surprise me. Not even an animal, an insect."
"Hey, you take what you can get." The fly said.
"My elementary-skool mascot was a jaguar, and my Jr. hi-skool was a thunderbird! I get a fly."
"Sorry, the others were already taken."
"Well, all-fucking right." I felt a little crestfallen. Not the proud lion, not the long necked giraffe...not even a mammal. "What's your little fly-spirit-wisdom?"
"Hold on a sec." The fly said.

Then a woman walked up to me, and asked in a heavily Germanic accent, "Could you tell me where I could find a supermarket, where I might find some fruit?" She was part of a husband-wife combo, with backpacks and boots...tourists. I tried to be helpful, and explain downtown Los Angeles is not the place to find umm, much of anything. However, I steered her towards a place that might hold something beyond candybars. She called her man, and they walked off. Then the fly said,
"Dude, she was totally trying to mammal your pineapple."
I flicked him off my shoulder with a well aimed index finger.
Fucking flies.