I'm not going to start pointing fingers

at who did what, or what did to whom, or whom didn't arrive where, where they weren't when they needed to be. Because, as you all know, I'm not that kind of guy. However, Friday arrived two days too late, or, perhaps three. Needless to say, I'm not exactly a happy camper. Anyways, enough about me.

Friday pushed his way through the panicky passengers, from the first-class cabin to the back of the 727. They were panicky most likey because the Captain had said over the intercom, "REMAIN CALM, DO NOT PANIC!" Or perhaps they were panicky because Friday was wearing the parachute, helmet, goggles and assorted gear of a skydiver. Or perhaps it was because he carried a large assault rifle, and had previously hijacked the plane, and had taken it thousands of miles off course. (btw - not an easy task in the post 9-11 world, he'd had to gun down 15 passengers who desperately tried to stop him...which may also have been the reason for why the passengers were panicking...anyways)

In a total D.B. Cooper ripoff, Friday hit the emergency release for the rear exit. The stairs descended on powerful hydraulics - oblivious to the dangerous decompression and 400+ mph speed of the plane. Friday was sucked out into the sky, and began to free fall.

CLOSE ON: FRIDAY'S WRIST ALTIMETER
the dial rotates swifty from 25,000 feet to 20,000 then 15,000 then 10. It spirals to 9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-

FRIDAY reaches up and pulls the cord of his parachute. Nothing happens.
"Damn!" we hear him say over the whistling wind.

CUT TO: F-16 COCKPIT -- UNDER THE CANOPY WE SEE THE NAME OF THE PILOT LT. JACK JAGER

JACK flies his fighter at 950 miles per hour and in a blatant violation of regulations, buzzes 90 feet over the town where his ex-girlfriend lives. Sonic booms shatter windows. He zooms past and out over the prairie.
JACK SAYS: That'll learn the slut to dump me!

CUT TO: FRIDAY IN FREE-FALL
He sails rapidly downwards, then in a blur from out of nowhere JACK JAGER'S F-16 swoops underneath him. He strikes the left wing, which has two different results. 1) Friday's terminal velocity is arrested, and he begins to free-fall again from about 75 feet. 2) Jack's F-16 is thrown into an out-of-control roll, where it zooms downwards over the next hill and explodes in a massive fireball.

CUT TO: STREAM NEAR SMALL GROVE OF TREES.
Friday lands in a belly-flop in the stream. Water shoots over GENERAL CUSTER and two of his remaining men. Around them are thousands of Native Americans in war-paint.

CLOSE ON: CUSTER
He wipes water off his face, and looks at Friday who rolls his face out of the water groggily.
CUSTER SAYS: Oh, now you decide to show up! I could have used you two days ago - maybe three!

Then Custer raises one of his pistols, points it at a feathered head-dress, and pulls the trigger, resulting in an anticlimactic "click."
CUSTER SAYS: Damn!
Then he and his remaining two men are promptly filled with arrows.

FRIDAY pulls himself out of the water, and takes off his skydiving helmet. CRAZY HORSE appears on a fiery stallion. He holds a spear and a Winchester rifle looking extremely bad-assed.

CRAZY HORSE SAYS: Friday! Heap good timing! Come! Crazy Horse host heap'm big pow-wow for victory celebration!

Friday, used to strange occurrences, quickly agrees.

Happy Friday