...checking it twice

It's on the list.

I'm not a compulsive list maker by any means, but I do find them to be helpful in times of prolonged action, where I'm bound to overlook something important. Or in times of complete inactivity, when I'm apt to do nothing at all.

But today, I'm here suggesting you can use a list to avoid work entirely. (especially at work)

Say someone asks you, "Go get a case of bottled water for the department." You say, "It's on the list." And you go back to surfin' the internet or writin' and email barely bothered at all. Or, if Simkins is asking for the TPS reports, "It's next on my list Simpkins, now get off my back you fucking monkey!"

Of course "the list" need not be you to-do list, or the list of tasks at hand, all they know is - it's on the list. You don't need a list. The list only implies it's own existence and therefore importance. Infact, it will make you seem more important (and busy).

-I never took Tsunami for a "list guy," but he must have a lot on his plate if he's got a list.

Of course, two days later Simkins will return bellowing, "I never got those TPS reports!"
"Well, it was next on my list," you can retort, "then Old Man Hollister came by and told me to make the Clodhopper Inventory (or some other program you know Simkins is not affiliated with) my primary action item, and the TPS reports got bumped down a notch. But, (you continue) I told Hollister, I got Simkins' TPS reports to do - they're at the top of my list. Hollister tells me, Clodhopper Inventory is now at the top of your list! Besides, Simkins is a fucking monkey!"
Thus allowing you to insult your superior thru the power of your list.

Or you could just say, "Mary told me she would do it, and I crossed it off my list." Everyone knows once something is crossed off the list, it gets re-added onto the list at the bottom. Thus giving you another two or three days grace period.

Of course, it's even better if you have an actual list, that you just write random things down on, that way, a week from now, when the boss asks "where the hell is the water," you can actually pull out your list, and point to the item in question. They're only going to see a bunch of words - and read the one you point at. My list for today looks like this.

water
helicopters are cool
envelopes!
make puppets from old socks
buy canned beans

See - it's easy, and practically foolproof!