I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE

AND IT IS INDESCRIBABLE -

I've ripped the LA Weekly's review off, 'cause I have no idea what the fuck I saw last night...but quick read this, and then I'll tell you a little more.

ROBOCHRIST INDUSTRIES

The Subjugator, the Necropod, the Manipulatrix names for a new gang of superheroes? Actually, they're robots that destroy things...not humans but RVs, full-scale houses and any piece of metal that gets in their way. For over 10 years, artist Christian Ristow has been constructing stainless steel, zoomorphic beasts which wrestle each other to the finish with their giant meat-hook claws and blazing breath. Ristow's transformers have created such a rumble that filmmakers such as Steven Spielberg have hired this mad scientist for his animatronic skills in War of the Worlds and A.I. Don't worry, these robots won't take over the neighborhood. However, Ristow is known for creating a stir at the Burning Man and Coachella festivals. "I always play by the fire station's rules," says Ristow. "But I was tired of dealing with the bureaucracy at the Coachella Festival. So I executed a performance which wouldn't get me asked back." Providing the soundtrack to this futuristic tractor pull will be Stigmeta, a Christian punk-heavy metal band and Captured by Robots a rock group comprised of androids. At the parking lot of the Steve Allen Theater at the Center for Inquiry West, 4773 Hollywood Blvd.; Fri., Aug. 5, 8 p.m. (323) 960-7785.

This...was a block away from my house. I brought my digital camera...and to my lasting shame, it's batteries were gone. (if I get pictures I will post them..cause...damn...)

It was a parking lot, with a big wood derrick-like tower, a television housed in a tower of six oil-drums playing a video loop of a creepy televangelist, a mannequin sitting at a dinner table, another sitting in a chair facing the crowd, and a steel skeleton. There were four "bots" and about half-a dozen humans with remote contols, and these beasts were amazing! Huge metal jaws lined with giant chainsaws! Attatchments that shot flames 20 feet! Mechanical claws! Tank-treads! Hydraulics! Fuck - I honestly (and maybe for the 4th time in my life) don't have the words. At the end, the parking lot looked like the scene from the Terminator, when, in a post apocalyptic world, robots crushed the skulls of dead humans! There was nothing left except a bunch of ruined junk and a crowd of a hundred people cheering their asses off. My Gjod-it was beautiful.

I realize this post has left a lot to be desired, but I had to try and tell somebody...oh, and quite a fitting night for Fjordborg's Birthday.