Thursday, September 29, 2005

I was right

Things are getting crazy. I'm about to run off, host a show, come home, sleep and head out to NYC. It's a hard road, I know, but somebody's got to do it.

But I did have to post a link to this, cause, cause it's too frikkin AWESOME.

SPACE MONKEY PANTS!

And with that pleasant thought. I bid you a fond farewell.

Be back next week sometime...

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Allright My Sweet Fjordling Minions...

Here's the skinny...

1) Don't go the BBC video of the Giant Squid...it's lame.
2)I've only got one more day before I'm off on an East Cost Speaking tour...sort of a Conference/Symposium/Get the hell outta' dodge kind of thing. So I'm not sure how much you'll be getting out of me for a few days. I'm thinking maybe one or two more posts, but incase things get crazy tomorrow (which, I'm pretty sure they will) don't go nuts.
3) A the very worst, I'll be back a week from now, ready to throw down whatever you're used to reading here.
4) And yes, I will find out what happened to Q-Dog. All my P.I.'s have mysteriously vanished, and I'm going to have to look into things personally.

-Tsunami-

We continue our current train of inquiry

delving into the DEEEEEEEEP.

DEET-DEET...DEET...DEET-DEET-DEET...DEET...DEET...FJORDNEWS!...DEET...DEET

Fresh off the heels of the anti-terrrrorist-killer-dolphin escape to
THIS!!!!!

For the first time EVER a giant squid has been caught on camera, alive, and in the wild! Some marine-wildlife studying dudes have done what nobody's ever done. Captured the beastie on film - live! (Here's another place with a still photo series and if you look on the right hand side of the first link (at the bbc) there's a link to video - which I'm going to check out as soon as I get done writing this.

However, the details: The squid was about 8 meters long (umm, near 24' long) and after being hooked 500 meters down (real real deep) the hook ripped off a chunk of the squid's tentacle which was about 15 feet long.

Rad. This thing would eat you and your family without even trying, and they've been trying to catch one on film for about ooooh, 20 years or so. I think this is a good sign fair readers, I really do. Things are starting to look up from here!

Monday, September 26, 2005

I don't like it...

Because writing is hard.

And I've been working on a bunch of other stuff, that doesn't lend it's energy to the Wonderful World of Fjord. However, since I've got another space that's been sitting, gathering digital spiderwebs, I figgered I'd throw a small chunk of it over there. If you're into *ahem* more literary works, check out Rat Bastard's Burlesque It's got a piece from sort-of the beginning of what I've been working on.

-Tsunami-

I saw this a couple days ago...

but didn't realize how great is was until it got pointed out to me again!

KILLER DOLPHINS UNLEASHED BY KATRINA!

Egads! Mehopes they don't strike during Spring Break!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Either

Australians are really tough.
-or-
This was the biggest wimp of a great white shark ever
-or-
something is slightly off with this story.

MAN FIGHTS OFF FIVE METER SHARK

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Sometimes

I mess around on myspace

I'm trying to do a little cross-pollination...


GROW! GROW DAMN YOU! GROW!!!!

err...something

Friday, September 23, 2005

Okay...this is going to be the last one for real!

But after seeing this in the local rag - I had to check it out. It's not for the kiddies - so send them off to bed. A more fitting "last pirate post for a while," I couldn't hope for.

Piratesxxx!

And now I go to meet my destiny.

Don't Think Twice

"We're on a time line here!" Shouted Friday.
"But I really, really have to go!" Said Tuesday.
Friday drove a very, very fast car through a long dark tunnel. It's headlights lit up the broken yellow stripes of the lane marker, which ripped into the rear-view mirror about as soon as they were illuminated.
"I don't have to remind you do I?" Friday shifted his fast car into overdrive. "Of the last time each of you wanted to stop?" The dash-lights revealed the faces of the weekdays looking like they'd rather be asked to eat a plate of slugs.

"Monday wanted some Slim-Jims, so we stopped. What did we get? War! Wednesday, you wanted to take a picture of the waterfall, what'd we get? Attacked by locusts, who had already eaten the "rolling fields of grain." Thursday wanted to stop at the Dinosaur Theme Park, what'd we find? A whole raving epidemic of the flesh-eating virus! We're only one horse away from the apocalypse! You know what that fucking horse carries? Do you? You stupid bastards!"

Friday shuts up as he looks down the road. Tuesday clamps his legs together and says, "Umm, the Antichrist?"

"Yer damn right the Antichrist!" Friday clicks on the C.D. player, which shuffles randomly through 8 C.D.'s in the trunk. It lands on "Highway to Hell."

"No Stop Signs, Speed Limits, No Body's Gonna Slow Me Down!"

Friday reaches under his seat, and fishes around through the various junk that had accumulated from their long road-trip. He grabs onto an empty plastic Gatoraid bottle, and hands it back. "Here, use this." He says without taking his eyes off the road. "I'm sure." He continues, "After the kind of week we've had, that the last thing we need to do is STOP FOR ANOTHER FUCKING WEEKDAY!"

Tuesday sighs, and unscrews the cap of the bottle. The sound of a zipper being dropped is heard, as he shields his actions from the rest with his back. The smell of piss fills the car, and power windows are activated. Wind shoots in and blows their clothes and hair.

"Hey, what's that?" Asks Thursday.

In the distance, the black of the tunnel is broken by a glowing arch. They speed towards it. From the back seat Tuesday lets out a satisfied, "Aaaahhhhhaaa!"
"Fuck," Wednesday says, "Put the fucking cap back on that." Tuesday does.

The car rips out of the tunnel, and spread out in front of them in a great lit-up panorama, is the City of Promise. Friday looks at his gauges, the gas is okay, temp is okay, oil is okay. "If we make it there without a hitch by Saturday, it should be all right." Tuesday throws the Gatoraid bottle out the window. "Fuck man," Friday shouts, "Didn't your mom tell you not to litter?!!"

Keep America (and the world) Beautiful!

Happy Friday

Sorry, This One's Heavy.

I'm going to take a minute of blogging silence for my homeless friend who lived at the edge of the parking lot on Hollywood and Vermont. He disappeared a few days after he told me he'd had a heart attack, and I was fearing the worst. Today I walked by his spot and saw a few souls had stopped by to place candles there. There's only one thing that can mean.

We had a cordial relationship, where as I scooted past to hustle and bustle in my world, he'd give me a friendly wave and an, "All right then." Occasionally I'd slip him a smoke or a few beers. Only when it was really weatherish outside, I'd give him a few bills to ease him through the night. But, he never ever asked. In our snippets of conversation he told me he'd sparred with Sonny Listen (sp?) before he'd gone on to fight Ali. And another time he said he'd played chess against Bobby Fischer. I chose to believe those stories, cause even if they were lies, they were GOOD lies.

After I had seen him sit there for a few years, I remember once thinking that he was like a part of the landscape, part of nature, a big fat brown Buddha, wise enough to the world where he could live, exist (somehow) and commune with nature, smack-dab in the middle of a concrete and asphalt desert that is the part of East Hollywood he decided to call home.

I got a cheap candle as I was coming home tonight, lit it, and set it up next to the sparse few others that were there, and said a few words. Like usual in that situation, they seemed kind of hollow, but what can you expect. The world is now just a little more lonely, and only memories which are hard to share, will weigh down the world with the gravity that once was a man I knew.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

So Yeah

To follow up on the Wednesday idea thread, lemme just say, I've been under the weather for quite a while now, which as you well know, leads to a whole general breakdown in lots of stuff. I've been noticing this in my world, where work has suddenly gotten a lot harder and busier, the home has fallen apart, (not to mention the 2nd bug invasion this year...this time with the insideous roach-beast, which, to my knowledge, I'm still winning (by a lot like 157-0) however, they are sneaky bastards, and I have lots of nooks and crannies yet to be investigated at the Casa.) and somehow, money's not as plentiful as I'd gathered it would be at this stage of the month.

This is nothing compared to the real hardship I've been facing, which is a hideous cold-sore scab under my lower lip about the size of a dime, in the shape of a scabby-red soul-patch.

Now, as a reasonably vain young man, (and for those of you not familiar with this horrid affliction)it puts a damper on your day when you have to shave and stare into the mirror at this...but it's nothing compared to when the goddamn thing begins exploding out of your face with goo and puss oozing zit-like volcanoes! So anyways, for the last four days I've been doing what any human with social sense would do, cover it up with a band-aid.

Now, having a band-aid directly under your lower lip---when you normally don't wear a band-aid under your lower lip, generally leads to a lot of questions. (which, as well, it should. Hell, I'd be curious...) So, after experience, I've come up with a few answers to the inquiry of "WHAT HAPPENED!" (mind you I try to not lie, and after said questions, and my disarming answers, I always stated the truth - "I have a hideous cold-sore and wanted to cover it up") That perhaps, might be one day, useful to you Fjord readers. (altho- hopefully not ever)

1) the first, and still my favorite.
"I'm not allowed to talk about fight club. Damnit! I talked about fight club!" (note, this doesn't work on the more "mature" question asker. Know your demographics!)
2) "I got myself in a fight, and (making fist) the guy had a sharp ring."
3) "I'm just a huge Nelly fan!"
4) I just started using this one, but then again, my face just stopped oozing crap.
"Oh, you know, skateboarding..." Trailing off, it works pretty good. This one is demographic neutral, btw.

Sooo, to get back to the top of the post's gyst, I've got more than a few things to get busy on. And nobody here at Fjord (hello? Anyone?) is saying this is a big deal. It seems as tho in the real world we're dealing with gas prices poised to climb to 5 bucks a gallon, a category 5 hurricane bearing down on the already beat-up southern coast, and most likely the housing market about to crumble. I guess lots of people are going thru bad times.

Gjod help us! Every one.

Okay, this'll be the last one

for a while. This Pirate Thing is just about played too.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Let's Just Accept

That I've taken my licks over the last 9 days like a man...but tonight, I can't (and after 4 attempts) make this one work. I hope you little Fjordlings can get along without me for a night.

Happy Wedesday!

I believe "square party" is only 2 moves away...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

P.S.

Not to be a "Comment Whore" or anything, but did anyone like my "I'm Not Going to Start Pointing Fingers" Happy Friday post?

I mean, I thought it had a lot going for it, interesting situations, good plot, and quite a nice ending. I could be wrong...but I'll never know unless you tell me.

You should also go here!

Link provided by the stupendous gang at BoingBoing

For your consideration...

I'm probably in comparison with most people, about 15-25% more talkative than your average guy. I also generate about 75-90% more words in text than most people. (let's say taking an average week as our "sample" for percentages.) Now, sooner or later, you just get lucky. Like, as I mentioned before...getting back up to a post-a-day speed, I went off on the robot tangent, which (hopefully providing you at least a minor amusement in your day) I grew tired of, and said something along the lines of this.

"I really hope there's a pirate story or two coming down the pike, cause this robot thing (while nobody's saying isn't useful or interesting) is getting a little stale."

And four days later, it was "Talk Like a Pirate Day." So, as I was pointing out with all those percentages of how I use words a little more than the average person, sometimes, with odds in your favor, you write something, and then - KAPOW! - it just shows up. However, in the last couple days, I've also been talking about things that have TOTALLY COME TRUE!
EXAMPLES:
1) Raccoons came up in a conversation two weeks ago. "But of course," you say, "I would not only expect raccoons to come up in a conversation with you Mr. Tsunami, I would be disappointed if they didn't!" However, the very next day, that conversationalist came back to tell me "I was driving and saw 4 raccoons in the early morning sitting around a storm-drain."
2) Yesterday, I was in a conversation where I began talking about the various lovely qualities of rain (yeah, yeah, I know most of you think it sucks, but livin' in L.A. rain is a touch different than in places with, umm, say, "weather.") Anyhoo, today, it rained in L.A.! Like, nearly all night, and most of today. Fantastic!
3) About two weeks ago, I mentioned to a few key and trusted people, that I wanted to be the host of a talk show. A week ago, I mentioned it again. Last night, I was offered a "host/M.C." position on a brand new teevee show. (BTW that...was the big important "meeting" I attended.)
It's not quite what I had in mind, but pretty damn close.

So - as the man says, "I'm on a roll." About now. If there's anything you would like me to talk about, whydon'tcha lemme know. If it would be advantageous to the both of us - or to readers of Fjord, I'll try and speak/write it into existence!

(P.S. - I may actually now have become Gjod...altho in fairness, the implications are so complex that I'm trying with all my might to remember I have lived most of my life as a puny mortal.)

Monday, September 19, 2005

Big important Meeting Now...

Bloggy goop later...

It's Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Yarrg! I'm glad I was complaining about robots getting old...cause everything's comin' up Pirate now!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Wait a second...

our 5,000th visitor was from Malaysia! Malaysia borders the Malacca Strait. The Malacca Straight is a hotbed of Pirate activity. (infact, I just pulled this quote from the story I linked to on Thursday...Four South East Asian nations have launched joint air patrols of the Malacca Strait, in a bid to deter pirate attacks. Planes from Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia and Thailand will be allowed to cross into each other's air space under the scheme. Here's a google map of the geographical area.)

Could it be...??? Could our 5,000th visitor be a Pirate!?!?
Gjod I hope so...

Saturday Breakfast Link!

heeeheheheee

Friday, September 16, 2005

I was sorta hoping it'd be someone I recognized...

However...fortune favors the bold...or those less sleepy. Anyhoo, here's what I know about visitor 5,000.

Domain Name (Unknown)
IP Address 60.50.159.# (Telekom Malaysia Berhad)
ISP Telekom Malaysia Berhad
Location Continent : Asia
Country : Malaysia (Facts)
State/Region : Wilayah Persekutuan
City : Kuala Lumpur
Lat/Long : 3.1667, 101.7 (Map)

Language English (United States)
en-us
Operating System Microsoft WinXP
Browser Internet Explorer 6.0
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1)
Javascript version 1.3
Monitor Resolution : 1024 x 768
Color Depth : 32 bits

Time of Visit Sep 17 2005 1:12:35 am
Last Page View Sep 17 2005 1:12:35 am
Visit Length 0 seconds
Page Views 1
Referring URL http://setmefreefx.blogspot.com/
Visit Entry Page http://fjordsurfing.blogspot.com/
Visit Exit Page http://fjordsurfing.blogspot.com/
Time Zone UTC+7:00
WAST - West Australian Standard Time
Visitor's Time Sep 17 2005 1:12:35 pm
Visit Number 5,000

(BTW- for those of you who want to know, this is what I can find out about you without even really trying) (didn't I already apologize for the ellipses? I'm sure I did...)

Kuala Lumpur is one of the great city names of all times, and as I understand it, home of one of the tallest buildings of all time! Unfortunately, I cannot recommend the referring page shown here as it's pretty dull. (altho if it did give us a plug, I'd heartily take it back...I really didn't read to much into it. It was dull...

Anyways Mr/Ms/Mrs - whoever you are reading from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia - may your offspring grow strong, and your homes be always filled with the most modern appliances, and well tended Jacuzzis!

And now I bid you a fond Tsunami-esque "Good Evening! Or, "Good Morning" wherever, and whenever, you are.