Vikin Fjord News!

9 medieval ships found in Oslo.

munney quote...
"the find will help fill gaps in knowledge of vessels between Norwegian Viking ships of about 1,000 years ago and more modern vessels."

Awesome!

I been worried about that gap.

Waaaay more than I should be.

Greetin's From The U.S. of A!!!

So I've taken a little time away from the compooter to do this and that, AND TO KEEP A EVER-FJUCKIN' VIGILANT EYE ON MY BANK! It's called Washington Mutual, or WAMU...and they are a mega-bank...with branches all over the place. (and went crazy with the early 21st Century lending craze (like everybody) and now own billions of dollars of worthless paper) They just had the value of their stock & credit downgraded to "junk" status. Which, I really don't know the actual dollar value of, but it's probably not much. Anywise, nobody knows if they'll get bought-out, or fold taking all their deposits with them as they go under.

Anyhoo - the funny bit is that...I don't have a job, my unemployment insurance is about to run out, (unless the Great Republic of California comes thru! C'mon Cali! I've always loved yoooooooo!) and what little money I have stuck in there, I really do need.

Wait, that's not the funny part.

The funny part is I gots me a financial adviser! Now, he does everything for "free" like, the kind of free where he tries to get me to give him a list of my friends who may "need" financial advising...which is how I got my first financial advisor originally, (from a "friend") who then left...or was fired, and replaced by two strong-armed-financial goons I wouldn't trust with two of my pennies, who were then replaced by my current adviser, who is actually a really cool dude. (and if I hadn't been so put-off by their organizations previous actions of hitting me up for all my friends contact info...well, I'd be more than happy to send him your stuff with the D.T. seal of approval.)

Okay...here's the funny part...he works under the umbrella of AIG, which is an insurance and financial services company. Why is that funny? Well...here's a tidbit from Reuters:

"NEW YORK (Reuters) - An $85 billion government rescue of insurer American International Group Inc looked increasingly likely on Tuesday to stave off a bankruptcy that would have thrown world markets back into turmoil.

The Federal Reserve will extend AIG $85 billion in exchange for a nearly 80 percent stake to bail out the troubled insurance giant, a person briefed on the matter said.
The deal would avoid the biggest corporate bankruptcy ever and follows a government bailout of mortgage lenders Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae just over a week ago."

(bold mine. -duh-)

So anyhoo - to put it bluntly,

this is where I'VE BEEN GETTING MY FINANCIAL ADVICE!

A company that needs an instant $85-BILLION DOLLAR LOAN to keep from collapsing into the biggest corporate bankruptcy ever - AND THROWING WORLD MARKETS INTO A TURMOIL!

Now when you look at the whole of my tale here, you'd have to admit, that's funny.

(and why I'm probably fjuckt)

Craig Ferguson

Always thought there was something appealing 'bout this late nite talkshow host...but he's on teevee a little later than I stay up. Just watched this tho...dang.

(Watch Quick - it'll probly get taken down soon.)
(P.S. Vid is 8:45 long)

All the Mummy News that's Fit to Print!

Oh man, this is too awesome!

BTW - there is no munny quote...it's all munny quotes. The whole dang thing!

But here's a sample:
Now what am I supposed to do? All my shit, the necklaces, that weird lion vase, the gold fucking daggers that I couldn't fucking wait to use, gone. I have nothing to wear. I have nothing to do. I guess I'll just lie here on the floor for the rest of eternity.

***

All kidding aside, if you want to read more about mummies, here's this tale about some Celtic mummies being found IN CHINA! (very long, but interesting...)

Oh, one last thing...

I made last year. Still stands as written.

Dueling...

Am totally in favor, by the way, of settling differences by duel.

As you might remember, I think fjord is the only joint on the internets still pimping this.

However, there are a lot of subtle rules and choices that might change the whole lot of your typical conceptions of what exactly a duel might entail. Like a few examples over here.

So there's this to consider

"The difference between a good day and a bad one is your feeling of having actually done something."

(quote by me, from a pitifully small journal book which I recently started, that is strictly dedicated to ideas that are awesome, or designed to be inspiring.)

Shortly previous to above line,

Quoth the Q-Dog:

"Well, at least you're doing something that resembles something."

I'm sure someone's already thought of this but...

What if the Cern Particle Accelerator actually did destroy the Earth when it got turned on yesterday -but- at the exact same time created an exact duplicate Earth IN ANOTHER DIMENSION!

And in a miraculous event of physics...at the exact moment your physical (we'll call it Earth#1) body was being ripped apart to its component atoms...your consciousness migrated through a tiny wormhole into the other dimension - TO INHABIT YOUR DUPLICATE BODY in Earth#2!

Which, if you're still choosing to follow me on this, means (following to the next logical step) WE ARE NOW THE FIRST TRANS-DIMENSIONAL TRAVELLERS in all of humanity's history!

(that we know of...
man, it'd be weird if Buddha had already been here)


Update #1
But wait - if Earth #2 is an exact duplicate of Earth #1 - then that means there's a Cern smasher here that's just the same...and it's already on! And that means we're already on Earth #3! (or #5 or #37 - what the hell am I - a temporal physicist?) Anyhoo - there's clearly no going back now.


image and a whole lot more cool photos from here.

This is kinda cool

Find out how common your family name is throughout the world.

Huh...so incase you were wondering...

The oldest continuously used lighthouse is the Tower of Hercules. It dates back about 2000 years - from the time of the Romans.

One More Day! ("Refresh the parts that other beers cannot reach")

And humanity's most gargantuan science project will start rolling. Of course there have been some questions (and lawsuits) stating the scientists operating the CERN particle accelerator might cause a black hole that will eat the earth, or cause a strange subatomic reaction that will leave the earth a cold dead lump. But, there are grounds for optimism. (can't recall where I saw this yesterday, but some smart sounding guy said something like), "The odds of this happening are the same odds as you being vaporized while you're shaving."

So take that nay-sayers...

***

I say, nay shout..."ARRR! SET THE CONTROLLS FOR THE HEART OF ALL SUBATOMIC MATTER!"
(Then adjusting eyepatch)
"Roll out the guns!
Hoist the Jolly Rrrrodger!
Preparrr to plundarrr the riches of quantum spaaace!"

***

(I'm positive there are massive Spanish Galleons laden with treasure floating in there...why else would THE SWISS fund the project?
"The project was eventually approved in 1996 at a cost of 2.6bn Swiss Francs.")

Oh - there may be a glitch or two along the way...
"While working on the LHC's predecessor, a machine called the Large-Electron Positron Collider, engineers found two beer bottles wedged into the beam pipe - a deliberate, one-off act of sabotage.

The culprits - who were drinking a particular brand which advertising once claimed would "refresh the parts other beers cannot reach" - were never found."

Here's a fun little article

On how not to be seen.

Any O' you 'member Carson?

He had his moments...

Incase youse gots a little more time on yer hands

You might wanna read/watch this. It's some business with Rage Against the Machine in Minneapolis/St.Paul (where the Republican Convention is going on rite now).

I've never been a Rage fan, but the video is pretty potent...and cool. And if you've got the heart to watch it till the 9:30 mark - it gets crazy awesome.

So take it or leave it - as you will.


If you've left it, here's a nice ditty from a group called the Poster Children.



Side note, in a small L.A. show, Rosie (their bass player) gave me a head-butt from the stage, which was about the highlight of that year for me.

You can find more of their fun stuffs here.

Here's a link to a bonus extra...incase you're still here killin' yer time.

Ah, I don't feel like concoctin' somtin astoundin

Altho U no I kood. Insteed, I'll just copy-n-paste this here 'stonishin' ting I just found.

Might remeber it from here.

I want my money back. I'm down here drowning in your fat. You got me on my knees praying for everything you lack. I ain't afraid of you. I'm just a victim of your fears. You cower in your tower praying that I'll disappear, I got another plan, one that requires me to stand. On the stage or in the street, don't need no microphone or beat. And when you hear this song, if you ain't dead then sing along. Bang and strum to these here drums til you get where you belong.

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! You wanna be somebody? See somebody? Try and free somebody? I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! Hand to mouth!

I wrote a song for you today while I was sitting in my room. I jumped up on my bed today and played it on a broom. I didn't think that it would be a song that you would hear, but when I played it in my head, I made you reappear. I wrote a video for it and I acted out each part. Then I took your picture out and taped it to my heart. I've taped you to my heart dear girl, I've taped you to my heart and if you pull away from me you'll tear my life apart..

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! You wanna be somebody? See somebody? Try and free somebody? I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! Hand to mouth!

Ecstacy, suffering, Echinacea, bufferin. We aim to remember what we choose to forget. God's just a baby and her diaper is wet.
Call the police! I'm strapped to the teeth and liable to disregard your every belief. Call on the law! I'm fixin' to draw a line between what is and seems and call up a brawl. Call'em up now! 'cause it's about to go pow! I'm standing on the threshold of the ups and the downs. Call up a truce! 'cause I'm about to bust loose. Protect ya neck,'cause, son, I'm breaking out of my noose.

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! You wanna be somebody? See somebody? Try and free somebody? I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! Hand to mouth!

Beats whatever I wuz gonna say.

Yup.

Re: Definitions

Media.

Heh.

Awww...you came back

Six daze without a post...

This one's 'cause I really like youze!
(make sure you watch at least until 1:15)



Okey - if you lived thru that - here's one to crank the volume up on.

(seriously, it was uploaded with low sound - but it's uber bueno. Promise.)




Now, wasn't that nice?

Yeah, now who loves ya!

Ya. Somebody. That's who.

Ooo...more sweet Olympic pics

women's fencing.

Content Pushing The Whatfor...

Please click on the following for improved viewing pleasure.



Near daily awesomeness from this dude here.

I Want!

Another one...but I didn't know I wanted it until it popped up unexpectedly.



A your internets this strong?

Your Internets Are Not Strong!

No. They are not!




(In case you are wondering about the "subtext" of this message, I would like to point out that mine are quite weak as well. I'm almost positive that more roo and bull fights will not change this in the very near future.)

Some Super Fun Olympic Pics

Right here!

Staring into the Webmonster

A speculation on the nature of those who access the internet

Defining those who access the internet as individual people, there are more than a few different groups, which of course have plenty of overlap. There are the Content Generators, folks who make art, comics, animation, writing, and a million other original mediums. These Content Generators may or may not use the net as their primary medium - it may just be a secondary channel/distribution for their creations. But they are actively making new stuff.

There is some overlap between the Generators and the following group, when it comes to a place like Wikipedia. There, people actively create content, but the content they create is only a compilation of knowledge that is "universally" accepted.

So there are Content Compilers, who are people who gather specific themes of the content generators, and with a small synopsis, highlight what has been created. These folks might also be called Content Pushers, since some of the heaviest traffic flows through them, and out towards the smaller places where Content Generators are working.

And we have the Content Consumers, who are often more than just an audience - altho that is the predominant trait. Everyone on the internet is a member of this group. The consumer is quite an unpredictable beast, because at nearly any point in surfing anything on the web, the consumer can stop and write a response to some post or creation, and become a content generator, or copy the information onto their personal web-space, and become a content pusher...or they could buy something, and become a totally different type of consumer.


I was hoping there would be something more dramatic and insightful in this little post, but that's it. Generating content is extremely satisfying, and the most useful of uses of the internet. But it takes a lot of energy...and finding something someone else has made to read, or watch, or hear, is as easy as moving a finger. Of course, finding something that someone else has created that is actually good...that's a whole 'nother issue.

I Want!

I been searching for this for more than a while now.

It has not been a wasted effort.

THE CONTINUING!!

Yes - it's back from a short break! So without further ado, I give you
EXHIBIT "Q!"



And this member of the cow contingency has something to offer with EXHIBIT "R".

Follow up from the last one

Okey...after this we'll be back to normal fjord programming, I predict roo-vs-cow exhibits will be forthcoming...

So I ran out of time on the last post, and had one further point I wanted to get to. Here's a couple of lines from "Generation of Swine" that struck me.

"The legacy of Ronald Reagan will be different from those of the other three gents in that famous Egyptian photograph...Richard Nixon was a crook, Gerald Ford was a shameless fixer and Jimmy Carter was an awesome bungler who gave once-proud political values like "decency" and "honesty" a bad name."

and there's this...

"Reagan's children must be proud of him. With AIDS and acid rain, there's not much left in the way of life and love and possibilities for these shortchanged children of the 80's. In addition to a huge and terminally crippling national debt, and a shocking realization that your country has slipped to the status of a second-rate power, and that five American dollars will barely buy a cup of coffee in Tokyo, these poor buggers are being flogged every day of their lives with the knowledge that sex is death and rain kills fish and any politician they see on TV is a liar and a fool."

Now, the first bit was pretty dead on, and stands the test of time. The second...well Clinton squared up the "crippling national debt" in a couple of terms, (course a couple terms of Bush Jr. and we're worse off than before) and say what you want, the U.S. hasn't been a "second-rate power" since we got the bomb, and won't be until China decides to call in our debts and every OPEC nation dumps the dollar for the Euro. And I don't know if the problem was ever really solved, but I don't hear about acid rain at all.

But the last line of the second part, "...any politician they see on TV is a liar and a fool." Well, that deserves a little analysis.

There is a consistent theme in conservative politics that is always at the fringes of anything they do. It says government is bad, government doesn't work, and government should be smaller and do less. Now, how does someone accomplish this when there are so many stakeholders in a gargantuan democracy like the U.S.? You destroy anyone who has a belief in the opposite, and parade liars and fools in front of the citizens over and over until people stop listening - and just tune the bastards out. Of course, after years and years of conservative policies the government isn't smaller - it's steadily grown larger and larger, but it sure does do a lot less. (see New Orleans/Katrina)

The success of this movement since Nixon, has been to eliminate the belief that government can do anything for you. It's really good at making well connected people rich, and protecting them from legal reprisals (see Kenneth Lay) but for helping the average shmoe - look somewhere else buddy. Hell, the U.S. public learned that lesson long ago...it's practically instinctual now.

To be fair, far more than half of this change occurred with large numbers of Democratic Senators and Reps, and even a fairly successful 2-term Executive. Why? Well, lets just say lots of those Democrats weren't exactly liberal, and had no problem rolling along with the zeitgeist since it made them and their pals rich. There was one fellow that really upheld a lot of my beliefs and did a lot of good fighting for something close to truth, justice, and the American way. His name was Paul Wellstone, and for a little nerdy goofball he was a bad-ass.

A little while after 9-11 he was killed when his small plane crashed. There was an investigation into the accident, which uncovered no evidence of anything other than some mechanical malfunction. But I often wonder what he would have said and done over the last few years, and how convenient it was for our current crop of leaders (on both sides) that his voice was silenced.

Now, there's no evidence at all for my speculation. But as I mentioned in the last post, at a certain level politics is a game that is played really nasty and really dirty. After all, the D.C. Madam actually gave instructions to her lawyer in case she was found dead of "an apparent suicide," which strangely enough, she was.

So in conclusion, let me ask a simple question.

What are you doing to fight the terrorists?

There's a war on, youknow...

Well now...

I've been reading a Hunter S. Thompson book called "Generation of Swine - Gonzo Papers Vol.2" which is basically a 300 pages of a two to three page ramblings/reports about U.S. politics in (you guessed it) the late 80's. Thrown in are a bunch of crazy things, lotsa booze, gunfire and gambling. Anyway - despite Thompson being on, how shall we say, "the fringe" of polite culture, he appears to be quite well connected and a number of prominent politicos are clearly okay with taking a call from him. But as his writings start touching on the Iran/Contra Scandal, it's interesting how his predictions for the political ramifications never materialized. He considered it very likely George Bush (Sr) would go to jail along with Oliver North and have his political career destroyed, even if he escaped prosecution. Course, we know how that played (and is still playing) out.

But he did bring up a really interesting point, and one that got me thinking. Running for President of the U.S. is the Big Leagues. Like, Hitler was in that league. Stalin was in that League. And at that level, things are played rough and dirty, and it makes me wonder if there's enough people who realize it.
There's a stat in the book that reads:
*Starting with 1968 the Republicans have won four of five Presidential Elections

(Change that with slightly updated figures - *that was written in 87) to six of nine Presidential Elections. That's pretty startling, considering what kind of platforms the conservatives really run on.

But like I said, at that level, stuff is run pretty rough, and one wonders if the Republicans are the only ones who know it. Hell, just scanning through the internets today, I came across this.
It's from the D.C. Madam - instructions as to what to do if she was ever found dead in an apparent suicide attempt. Which she was. She knew what kind of world she was living in...and I'm not even speculating there is a Presidential candidate in her black book of Johns, probly just a bunch of Senators and Reps, and lobbyists, and power-brokers. Nevertheless, ugly and dirty at that level can mean really ugly and really dirty.

I've got a few more ideas from this little book that I might get to later today, but for now, I have to go write a script for a cartoon.

Since I can't think of anything else to say

Lemme just say,
"Yeah, I'm watching the Olympics."

Okay, sure, the summer games are never as cool for me as a sports fan, as the winter games...but I don't mind swimming and gymnasts and such.

However, as a quick note to NBC, I would like to point out

I DO NOT WATCH 2-PERSON BEACH VOLLEYBALL EVEN WHEN THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON!

I know there's something else you could be showing that's actually, yaknow, fun.

More Newz You Can't Use!

So there's this bit thang happnin' in Georgia you've doubtless heard about, but did you know they're also under a full-scale cyber attack?

So a Georgia news site jumped to blogger in order to bypass the information roadblock.

"In a sense," notes Jim Stogdill, "they must be saying 'we can't keep our sites up, but we don't think [Russian hackers] can take down Blogspot, given Google's much better infrastructure and ability to defend it.'"

Weird, huh?

Yes, it's a few days late...

Here's the NEWZ!

38 Venzuelans killed by vampire bat!

"...The common vampire bat, which feeds on mammals' blood, swoops down and generally approaches its sleeping prey on the ground. The bat then makes a small incision with its teeth, and an anticoagulant in its saliva keeps the blood flowing while it drinks the blood. Symptoms of rabies include fever, tingling in the feet followed by paralysis, and an extreme fear of water."

"Extreme fear of water" is a very strange symptom of anything, dontchathink?

Anyhoo - no reports of those killed coming back as undead blood-sucking human-form vampires - but keep yer eyes peeled, yaknow, just in case.

(might wanna get some priest to bless some water in yer joint too.

Wait, scratch that, have a priest bless your faucet - that way all your water will come out holy water! Word!)


P.S. "Anticoagulant" would be an awesome band name.

Something Else From the Archjives

(from Feb '08)

“Not that I’m hiding or anything,” the voice said through the phone on a connection that made it sound like he was talking through a tin-can.
“But…” I answered slowly, drawing the word out as long a possible.
“There are a few people I’ve learned, who wouldn’t mind inconveniencing me, umm…physically.”
“You’ve got a fucking armored Bentley and two South African special-ops guys on your bodyguard staff. You’re worried about being physically inconvenienced?”
“They’re pretty aware of that, I’m sure.” He replied.
I took about six steps down the wide and nearly empty sidewalk that edged the park near my crappy apartment. My throat had a bunch of crap in it, so I cleared it without apology in my cell, and spat. I finished my thought. “You know what I’m doing right now, yeah? I’m walking home from the drug store with two Miller Lite tall-boys, and I’m about to drink ‘em, and forget my day.”
“I’m sure, however,” The tinny voice said. “I’m in a bind, and I need to ask you to do a thing for me.”
“Why.”
“Because nobody I know, knows I know you.”

That was true enough. The guy was just some dink I’d had a conversation with at a bar, and had stupidly given my card. It wasn’t even the business card from the last gig I’d been fired from. It was the one I’d made up in fun. That just had my name on it in 18 point font, so I could say, “Howdy, I’m Dario Tsunami. Here’s my card.” And it would reiterate in print, simply “Dario Tsunami.” The dink’s name was Walter Bruthers, and he kept on buying me drinks that night, and making pleasant conversation and impressing me with his bar tab and funny stories about important people about town until I happily gave over my real numbers. I didn’t even remember doing it the next day. But a week later it had come back to haunt me.
“Darin, this is Walter.” The conversation had started. “Enjoyed your company the other night, and was wondering if you’d like to swing over for a little thing I’m having tonight?”
“Okay.” I stupidly answered.
“Great! There’s a car outside right now.”
And that’s how I learned about his armored Bentley. His bodyguards, I learned about during a most uncomfortable series of conversations with his other guests at his mansion that night. I was doing my best to overcome the stereotype that it’s not what you do, or what you have, it’s who you are that matters. I failed miserably.

There was something else I was going to show you...

But I can't remember what it is. So instead, I give you...

THIS!

More? Okay!

Time for sometink cute!

Oooh!

Here's some pretty bitchin' photos of jumbo-jets! (really)

Here We Go Again!

(probly a few more in there...)

DNA tests are to be conducted on the mummified remains of two stillborn children found in the tomb of Tutankhamun.

Yep...Stillborn Mummy Children. Great.

Hiya!

I'm busy doing something right now that resembles doing something!

Will be back in a few...when I'm doing something that resembles nothing!

One from our astounding historical archiveness...

I'm positive this won't make any talking newsmonkey's teleprompters. But seriously, there have been so many causes/excuses/reasons for the drop off in Iraqi violence lately, I think it's only fair to mention that no-one is talking about our anti-terrorist-badger legions, so I'll bring it up again.

original post is here.

(one year ago the munny quote was this:
British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra.)

Richard Dawson Is Awesome!

It seems I keep on seeing the name "Richard Dawkins" in the political blogs, and I always think it's Richard Dawson, which is great because it reminds me how awesome Richard Dawson is! Dawkins is apparently some "evolution is bunk" dude, and Dawson is this guy.



And here's a little clip from "Running Man" where he played an evil talk show host.



And here's him bein' a real talk show host.



Agreed?

Once Upon A Friday

Friday laughed. It wasn't a giggle or a chortle, it was a loud boisterous laugh, and we all know that someone's laughter is about as self-identifying as fingerprints. People can "fake" a laugh, like when they're called upon to emote about something that is supposed to be funny, but it really isn't. Yet, no impersonator on the planet takes the time to fake another person's laugh, and actually use it as their own, because they already have their own. Funny stuff usually takes place in an instant, and in that instant, if it really is funny, their own personal vocal reaction to the stimuli known as "funny," occurs.

But when you hear Friday's laugh, it makes you want to laugh too. You don't even think about being clued into the joke, it's just that infectious! Besides, it's a booming laugh that carries right through anything nearby. Hell, it's Friday, and if he's laughing, the fjucking rocks want to laugh with him!

"As if!" Was what the partygoers heard from Friday exclaim beyond the range of the conversation, and between massive laughs.

*The camera zooms in towards a small group gathered around the King of All Weekdays, and catches a smaller mortal looking up to Friday, with amusement of telling the tale that is more successful than he believed it would be.*

"No seriously!" The small man said, seizing his chance..."Then I passed the go-cart that was in the lead with a sneaky pass on the inside, and I was in the clear! Just one final lap, holding off the pack, and I would win the race!"

"Unbelievable!" Said Friday, grabbing a cocktail off a passing waiter's tray, still lost in the amusement of whatever had come before.

"Quite!" Said the small man, "Yet, even the unsportsmanlike tossing of a live lobster onto the go-cart track is not what cost me the race!" The speaker was well aware of the power of his last statement, and decided at that moment to take a long, thirst quenching pull off his beverage, that drained the rest of the glass. He looked around, and snaked his arm though the gathered crowd and placed it on a small end-table holding a Tiffany lamp. He made the motion of miming a steering wheel, and spoke with expressive agitation!

"For in striking the crustacean with my right wheel, I was literally thrown - nay - launched into the air! And I'm sure you're all aware of the slowing of time that occurs in such instances, and I can tell you now, from what I felt of the physics of what had transpired, I assure you after two revolutions in the air, I was actually about to land on four wheels and still be in control of first place!" He made a motion of moving the steering wheel to recover from such an event. "I agree, I may not have been able to control the vehicle after such a landing, but I will never know."

"What do you mean!" Expressed Friday, "You will never know! How does this preposterous story end?!?"

The small man took his hands down from the driving a fast go-cart mime he was creating, and straightened his tie. He looked up at Friday with a wry look and said moving his right index finger in a spinning motion,

"Well, as my vehicle was about to make it's second revolution, bringing me down to the track, a brown pelican, blundered straight into the roll-cage of my flying conveyance, and struck my helmet! Knocking me unconscious in an explosion of feathers!"

"A Pelican!" Laughed Friday. "A Pelican!? My god man, what did you do next!"

The small man had somehow acquired another cocktail, and he lifted a pinkie as he coolly had a sip.

"What did I do next? I woke to find myself completely addled, and upside down in the roll-cage of a go-cart, covered in pelican blood and feathers! Men were busy trying to free me from the seatbelts, and a few moments later I was being examined and questioned by a most lovely woman who was a nurse at the local hospital, who was there to watch her husband in the next race!"

Friday laughed again, showing off his moviestar teeth.
"Well, at least there was a happy ending!"

"Happy!" The small man exclaimed decisively to the negative. "I was too confused from the crash to drive myself home, and my clothes were covered in blood and feathers!"

"So how did you get home?" Asked Friday.

"I walked! Have you ever tried hailing a cab in a bloody chicken suit?" He had another drink of his cocktail, and spoke clearly and slowly. "It. Doesn't. Work."


Happy Friday!

Awesome Earthquake Video!

This is going to make these two FAMOUS!

Howdy!

Speakin' of moving thru time...
turns out The Antikythera Mechanism might have been a calender!

Birthday Bitches!

I have now officially ridden this bastard ride from hell, a lot of times...

I will say this for the experience, every orbit is full of a mess of things I didn't foresee comin'. Some great, some good, some bad, some terrifying.

Yet, time is a human construct based totally on our planet's relationship with our star that we have called the Sun. Our pal Rhino has a pretty nice take on it right here. But an orbit of our sun has been broken down into mathematical certainties, tomorrow will be 24 hours, the last day in a 31 day month, that will add up with all the other months into 365 days. (and a tiny remainder we tack on for leap years)

But there is also a point of realization that time is really fjuckin' malleable, and it never means what you think it does. Malleable? Watch two people kissing in public, and suddenly time slows to a stupid crawl. Malleable? Experience time in a car crash, how long do those milliseconds last? Time is a scientific/mechanical/solar measurement that obeys its own objective rules, yet quite apparently has a completely subjective interpretation as you move through those moments.

I've posted a version of this vid before, and I've never liked it that much, such a nice song with such unwatchable visuals...

Nevertheless, the line "one good minute could last me a whole year" is worth hearing.

EARTHQUAKE!!! Oh noes...

perhaps you'd like to see the IM chat I had at the time?

12:10 PM Charlie: QUAKE!!
THE BEARS ARE COMING?!
12:14 PM me: Holy Shit!!! GIANT BEARS!!!!
12:15 PM THEY'RE RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE!!!!
Charlie: nooooooooooo
12:17 PM me: heh...that was kinda fun, huh? the news says 5.1 - epecenter between here and Riverside
12:18 PM Charlie: nice
12:19 PM it was 5.6-5.8 apparently in chino
thats what news says anyways
me: Yeah - I just heard that update...why does god hate Chino?
12:20 PM Charlie: i dunno?
cuz it looks kinds like rhino
and rhinos are fucking scarty
12:21 PM me: Dude! I mean Word! I mean...fuckin' rhino dawg!
12:22 PM trample yo ass n' shit
12:23 PM Charlie: fuck!
i hate rhinos!!
12:25 PM me: did you know a group of rhinos is called a "crash"
serious
wonder what you call a group of the Swiss?
12:26 PM Charlie: rhinos
they are synomyms
12:27 PM me: that's insideous
12:28 PM they pretend to be all neutral and shit, then gore you with their giant nose-horn!
12:30 PM Charlie: its fucked
12:32 PM me: yeah
don't forget the GIANT BEARS OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE
Charlie: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7530720.stm
im more worried about drunken tree rats
12:33 PM me: wow...thanks for the 4-1-1.
12:34 PM Malaysia's pen-tailed tree-shrew...
riiiight...like that's a real name
drunken tree-rat is what that is
12:36 PM Charlie: yup

Here's a small line I did not expect to read today

TERRIFIED workers at a mining compound in one of Russia's most isolated regions are refusing to go to work after a pack of giant bears attacked and ate two of their colleagues.

I guess after that, there really isn't that much to say, is there?


(full story here)

It's Come To My Attention...

That, what with the near constant surveillance we've got going on in our modern 21st Century world, that owning a mask might be prudent just to maintain your Gjod-given right to remain anonymous. However, there is something off-putting about masks that instantly gets you lumped into the "crackpot/crazy/bank-robber" faction, that doesn't lend itself to polite society.

Now there's the comedic route, such as the classic "Groucho" glasses/moustache combo such as this...




but c'mon...this has got no style, no panache, no...long-term applications. It's a one-off gag, which explains why you can still buy it for a buck in novelty shops.


No, in bringing this particular theme to your attention, your WCB Fjordian correspondent is well aware that readers of Fjord are the most attractive of all blog readers, and that you also demand that this physical gift be not only acknowledged, but embraced with the style your physical beauty deserves.


"Might as well put Groucho glasses on the Venus Di Milo! " You say, "Funny for a minute, but Gjoddang! We're out here trying to inspire the masses with our astounding good looks, impeccable charm, and being on the cutting edge of looking fantastically glamorous! This won't do! This won't do at all! We have an entire society to transform by our example!"

To which I'd heartily agree. However, I think I may have stumbled upon the answer! Take a gander at THIS!






Yep...stylish, dangerous, and anonymous! And yet...who can lump an affectionado of fencing into the "crackpot/crazy/bank robber" faction? No one! It's a glamorous and elite sport. And, it also looks nice on the ladies!


(apart from the model's dead eyes...but anyhoo...)


I've never been an advocate of the futurists take on the unisex "unitard" as what we're all going to be wearing in the future...but I'd much rather look like this:


Than this...







Just sayin'.


Well, this has been your Fjordian Style Tip for the week. Thanks for swingin' by.

-Tsunami-



(usual disclaimers for this google-search-image-heavy-post, if one's yers and you don't want it here, lemme know and it'll disappear post-haste)

Whaddaya think of this one?

In other news, seriously...the Capital of Canada is Ottawa. Remember this fact kids...OTTAWA!

I suppose this deserves a funny bit from the country that has a LEAF AS THE ONLY SYMBOL ON IT'S FLAG! (which is totally awesome in my book) So here's this...

Wow!

You'd be doing yourself a favor if you watched this...



...sometimes the innernets is not oppressive...
(this is apparently a theme now...)

Well, I guess to repeat wat I said a coupla' posts earlier...

The innernets is oppressive...

***this post bugged me so I destroyed it! All Hail Dario Tsunami Destroyer Of Posts!***

the gist is rite here

I did try and get you here, didn't I?

"The problem with looking ridiculously amazing all the time is that the clothes that make you look ridiculously amazing quickly become dirty. Especially when you find yourself in the desert." Said Friday to the gathered weekdays. The Five were all in dark suits, looking like gangsters in a Tarentino film. They of course were on hard-pan desert, and sweating buckets under felt fedora hats. The sun beat down unmercifully.

"Yeah." Replied Thursday, "Hard enough to actually find amazing clothes, but then there's the investment of time and money to keep them clean." He made an awkward face as he looked down to his 700 dollar Steve Madden shoes that were so covered in dust, it was nearly impossible to tell when the shoes stopped and the desert began.

"Sort of a, 'desert business casual,' would have been more appropriate for the invite, methinks." Said Tuesday, taking off his jacket and throwing it over his shoulder. "I've got a few things feeling neglected in the 'ole wardrobe that would've fit that bill." He looked off sadly towards the horizon that danced with heated air into a crazy mirage of reflected water. There was nothing else to be seen in any direction.

"C'mon guys!" Wednesday said sarcastically, wiping his sweating brow with a silk handkerchief pulled from his jacket. "Fresh air, sunlight, the great outdoors! People take vacations for this shit! It's great here!" As he spoke he found a dusty rock, and promptly dropped himself upon it. "Yeesh," he said, wondering when his hump was going to begin sweating through his jacket...he figured it couldn't be more than a few more minutes.

"This is the right spot, yeah?" Monday said, pulling out a small GPS device. "Yep, this is the spot. Are we on synchronized time? I gots 5:07." The other weekdays looked at phones or watches and nodded in various ways their agreement. "Well," He said after this acknowledgment, "Fuck."

"Yeah." Said Tuesday, "I'm getting the feeling that we might have been set-up."

Then a droning hum came to their ears, and a cooling shadow crossed over the sun, causing their eyes to be drawn skyward. Against which and straining against the sun, they were able to make out the silhouette. A huge pair of Zeppelins glided slowly against the sky, between them, like a catamaran, was a platform that linked the two dirigibles together. From there, a smaller, stranger shadow emerged, falling towards them. It was a small square or rectangle, but the nature of what it might be was only apparent when it had stopped moving and hovered two feet off the ground.
A Persian rug hovered there, controlled by a typically dressed British Butler. He looked expectantly at them, but seeing only confusion, broke the silence with a suitably toned voice of both deference and sarcasm.
"I don't have to explain I am to take you to the ball, do I?"

"Of course not my good man!" Said Friday, leaping onto the flying carpet. The other weekdays were quick to follow his lead, and in a moment were all hovering just above the ground.

"Excellent!" The Butler-esqe man said, and by some unknown means caused the carpet to rise rapidly upwards towards the Zeppelin-catamaran, "I'm sure the Sultan will be most pleased," He continued speaking louder to overcome the rushing air past their ears. "That you have taken the efforts you have to attend!"

In a brief moment, that caused numerous hands to be whitened with the speed of the ascent, they hovered on the Persian rug 10,000 feet in the air, yet only two feet over a gigantic wooden dance floor. Upon which were numerous couples dancing in amazingly fine attire, to a full orchestra playing a waltz. The Butler waved his hand out in a sweeping gesture two his right.

"There are valets and groomsmen there who will rapidly remove any stain of your travels, and assure you have everything you require for the rest of the evening!"

He pointed out a series of leather chairs with chrome arm and foot-rests, attended by a literal army of experts. They began to dismount from the flying carpet, and moved themselves into positions of repose upon them.

In a short a time of a hand-clap, the five were quickly overwhelmed by men who busied themselves removing every trace of grime from their shoes, hats, trousers, jackets, ties, and even handkerchiefs.

"I must say," Said Thursday watching the grime be removed from his garments, and as two men rapidly polished his shoes, "That this worked out better than I had hoped."

"Yeah!" Said Tuesday, undergoing the same treatment, "If only this dance wasn't a waltz, I might be overwhelmed."

And if on a cue, the band stopped playing the waltz, and the dancers clapped in appreciation. Then a clarinet player appeared, and quietly tapped a baton on a sheet-music stand. Then from out of nowhere a drummer began the opening beats of Benny Goodman's Sing Sing Sing began.

"Oh, shit." Said Tuesday, "This is gonna be cool..."

"Well," Friday concluded by standing up and grabbing his jacket from a valet, and throwing it on. "I did try and get you all here, didn't I?"


Happy Friday!

Sometimes the innernets is not oppressive

(Duz anyone know if oppressive's gots two "p's?")

Anywize...there's this too! (Wich mite be NSFW - IF YOU LIVE IN THE 1940'S!)

Sometimes the innernets is oppressive...

Wich is wat I been tryin' to gets outta my head last couple of days.

Then there's something like this.
(see the first pic, then click the pic for the next pic - dig?)

Well Dang!

I just seen this Radiohead video that's shot completely in data. Like, lasers were used, and no cameras. You might not like it, but it's rad that someone decided to use the tech this way. Now watch some of it...and read wat's up below!



Since it's all digital, there really aren't any limits to what you can see as a viewer! You can go right here, and totally manipulate the video in interactive ways that are super astonishing. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if there were some "secret rooms" in this thing...like a video game. If they're aren't, the next big group to come along and do this (I'm lookin' at you, U2) sure as fjuck will.

So sum dude who calls himself Al Gore

decides to call for a 100 percent national (that's U.S.A. to our overseas fjordian visitors) green energy future within the next ten years.

Seriously, is this too much to ask? Actual carbon neutral energy might have other side effects, but there's a ton of shit out there right now that frikken harnesses natural powers with none! (and by that I mean "okey, let's dismantle an obsolete windmill-generating farm!" I mean, ya tear it down and it's sent to China for a small profit on the metal, and it's made into a skyscraper. A nuke plant is literally beaten into the earth and left there for a few thousand years to decompose radioactively. (and seriously that's their plan for the obsolescence of these plants...they burn carbon clean, but it takes a while fer the cleanup.)

Less than a week before (I dunno, this was sometime last week) I found a thing on the front pages of Reddit that asked "Anyone else tired of car companies pretending that 30 mpg is something to get excited about?"
Here's the Reddit thread.

Nobody's joking about it...but it's a pretty serious joke tha's happnin' right now. The Toyota Prius gas/hybrid machine is about to install solar panels on it's next gen version which isn't stupefying, it's fjucking practical when you realize it costs near twice as much for gas as milk, and four times as much as water. (not to mention transportation costs of food&goods&stuff everywhere...which I'm sure you've already noticed.) As I just learned thru a (totally unscientific and cursory google search) the GM Chevy Malibu (which was due out circa '07 - and machines I don't often see toolin' round these car lovin' parts o' Southern Cali - just sayin') was predicted to get (and I frikken quote) "is currently rated by the Environmental Protection Agency at 35 mpg highway and 24 mpg city."

That's supposed to be a stupefyingly amazing engineering achievement? This is what our best minds creating a hybrid gets off of an Imperial Gallon of gasoline? My '96 Accura sedan gets that on nice freeway conditions, and compared to a Prius it looks (and drives) like a bad-assed muscle car!

This WCB correspondent (and by "This" I mean..."Your") is quite convinced it's time for this "call out" to be treated extremely seriously. We can, and should, be the leaders in this technology as it's not just a money making endeavor ,(that-is uber bueno btw) it's that folks across the globe will look to our experts to hire to help them make money fixing the same stupid problem!

'Course, nearly a decade ago I ran a write-in campaign for mayor of Minneapolis on the platform of building a giant dome over the city ('cause the winters is so horrible there...) and it was a big hit on the party-circuit. (which is a really bad voting constituency to go after, since they're too hung-over to bother to vote) However, there were more than enough interested parties to ask how I was going to pay for all of it.

To which I responded, "You build a giant dome over a city and make it work, there are going to be so many people who want your expertise it'll pay a thousand times more than what you spent! Engineers, designers, architects, construction workers - hell - anyone who had anything to do with it, will be some of the most highly employable people on the planet."

"Sure...sounds good," You say, "But the proof is in the puddin', no?" To which I respond,

err, if we were on this eight years ago, would the Kazakhstanians have looked to a(n) UK architect (and whatever construction firms they then decided on for) for THIS!?

Ten years...shit, Kyoto wuz in '97...and the best GM can do in the same time-span is give us a non existent hybrid at 35 mpg? Frikken Kazakhstan' walkin' into the future with more balls than the U.S.A.? Anyhoo - pretty sure Gore's got something here, but he's just a dude with a nice microphone...

Hiya! Err...Aloha!

So looks...

I'm readin' the Fjordian archives as a way to pass teh time betwixt now and the celebrashin of "The Toast Of The Town's" somtink or other birthday tonite...which once again brings up the multi-headed hydra of "birthday row."

*shudders*

"birthday row" is a horribly festive convergence of a series of birthdays (I think there's now six...including mine) which is the yearly party equivalent of having your head struck repeatedly by a full-size cinder block. This now lasts for the next three weeks, and there is no escape. I'm old enough now (97) where I can't really shake off a brutal "party" cinderblock assault and bounce back the next day/week/month. I want to say "no!" But tradition and my own sense of responsibility has purtty much locked me into another beating. So I'll just sign off here, walking proudly into a maelstrom , doffing of my hat and adding a jaunty, "Well, see yas on the other side!"

(This doesn't mean I won't be posting stuff, it just means I probly won't remember doing any of it.)

So there's not much to add... 'cept "Aloha."

-End Transmission-

Happy Friday! (It's from Transigram...where the fun comes from!)

Friday wanted to come out to play tonite, but he was kinda' tired and worn out from doing too many Friday nite things, on nites that weren't Friday. Instead, I present you with "the Swing Wing." Which, I'm sure after you'll watch this short ad, you'll totally want. Mine's already in the mail!

More Painting Elephants!

This time on video!



(Thanx fer the heads up Rhino!)

Soo coooool...

Last time I posted this, it was at the top of the yoo tube search list.

Now there's like five pages of their stuff before it.

No Joke...