Friday Was Not Feeling Content

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempesttossedt to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

This was Lady Liberty's line,
this was not what Friday was used to.

Friday doesn't want the tired. Friday doesn't want the poor. Friday doesn't want huddled masses, or cast-off garbage. Friday wants glory-seekers. Friday wants exuberance. Friday wants successful glory-seekers to rise up and embrace the possibilities that he offers. Friday, much like fate, favors the bold. Unfortunately for him, it was the latter that he looked over.

Friday sighs as he looks out over the downtrodden that have shuffled up to fill his mighty throne-room, and looks to the assembled four weekdays, that stand two on either side of the red-carpeted stairs that lead up to his jewel-encrusted chair.
"I can't let you out of my sight for one Gjoddamn minute!" He says to the previous weekdays.
They all lower their heads, not wanting to accept responsibility.
"How long am I going to have to wait before you fuckers let my people through to me without having suffered some trial, some tribulation, some catastrophe that doesn't drain the life out of them?!?"
"It was ordained by..." Begins Tuesday, who is brutally cut off.
"It was ordained THAT I AM THE KING OF ALL WEEKDAYS!" Friday's voice echoes off of the impossibly high ceiling, so loud that the huddled and devastated, and rag-clad masses, cover their ears, and cower to the ground.
The weekdays cringe. Then the phone rings, cutting through the tension like a knife. Friday looks over and picks it up*.
"Hello, this is Friday."
An operator's voice speaks. "Mr. Friday, this is New York calling, I have a person to person call from Lady Liberty."
"Well, put her on the line!"
"Hello? Friday?" A very sexy voice speaks across a great distance.
"Liberty! I haven't heard from you since the 4th of July! How've you been?!"
"Oh, okay I guess. Look, we should talk about the last time we, umm, saw each other, but not now. Right now, I kind of know about your problems."
"Really?" Friday says "How?"
"It's not important. I just want you to know, that I'll take over for you."
"What do you mean?" Friday asks.
"All those beaten down folk that have arrived at your door. Every single one of them, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free...yadda-yadda, and all that."
"Okay, but...I don't quite..."
"I know." Says Liberty. "It's like this...can't you just show them a good time at the beginning of the weekend? They've been through a lot, I mean, it'd take a lot to reduce them to this, and still be happy to arrive at your feet. I know it's a lot to ask..."
"There's no more to say." Friday speaks into the phone. "I'll do it. Everyone, especially the cast-off, no-good, beat-up, and completely unsuccessful deserve a good time every now and again. And today, shall be their day!"
"Thank you so much Friday." Liberty's voice catches in kind of a real sexy way. Then she says "Okay, well, call me sometime..." Liberty trails off.
"I will. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a horde of poor souls I have to turn into party-fiends."
"Good! Well, goodbye."
Friday hangs up the phone with a slam.

"Monday!" He commands. "Bring forth ambiance!"
"Tuesday!" He continues, "Assemble festive garb!"
Wednesdayay!" He shouts, "Entertainment so great that the stricken will forget their sorrows, and feel rested in their hearts, muscles, minds and bodies!"
"Thursday!" He finishes, "Food and libations- in quantity to make every soul be content!"

Tuesday begins to speak. "But Friday, I can't assemble that much..." Tuesday is struck by a gigantic lightning bold that reduces him to ashes!
"Monday!" Friday commands, "Bring forth ambiance and festive garb!"
"Awww," Monday speaks, "Now I've got to do two?!"
"Yeah, but remember, you're the one who started all this." Friday smacks the edges of his throne. "We don't have much time here, get cracking! There's a huge crowd that needs us!"

Somewhere Lady Liberty was happy.

Happy Friday


*this part of the post was inspired by a very intrepid and witty NY-Times telemarketer that should, judging from our conversation, be doing other things. She also cheered me up. Happy Friday Fjordlings. -Tsunami-