Really...Stay away from any and all Mummies!

Like this for instance.

Your munny quote:
"The BBC's Mark Duff, in Milan, says Oetzi has brought nothing but bad luck to many of those involved in his discovery.

Mr Simon died in a mountaineering accident in 2004, and six other people linked to the discovery in some way have died in apparently mysterious circumstances. "

I couldn't find a good clip

of the fire-hose fight scene from Transporter 2...so this'll have to do.

Okey - Just saw this chunka' politics

and thought it was awesome.

Since it kinda' trumps the ole' King in the post below...I'm just gonna give you the yooo-tube link rite here.

The King of the Swamp People, (once again) IS NOT PLEASED!

The Herald walks amidst the gathered mob who have been milling about for the last week DEMANDING that something be done about the financial crisis. The two trumpeters blow fourth regal notes on trumpets that look and sound similar to something you would expect at the beginning of a horse-race.

The Herald unfulrls a huge scroll, and proceeds to read.

"The King of the Swamp People (The Herald makes a sweeping gesture at the crowd, implying all are swamp people) declares a question to his subjects.

Why are you angry!? Why do you approach his palace (the Superdome) demanding justice? Why do you look for restitution from his merciful yet terrible and bloodthirsty wrath? When the one decree he made is STILL UNDONE! Did you not understand when he made his ONE decree, that it had farther-reaching results than merely decorating the walls of his palace with another head on a pike? No, the example of Kenneth Lay's corpse was to serve as a warning of the consequences of unchecked greed to ALL OTHER bastards who worship at the alter of their God MOO-LAAAH, who put their greed before anything else.


Instead, you did NOTHING! For more than TWO YEARS, the mighty KING OF ALL SWAMP PEOPLE has waited. Now, the consequence of your inaction is to now beg the King for help, for relief! If you had acted two years ago, THIS CRISIS OF FINANCIAL COLLAPSE would never have happened! If you expect the King to act in order to help you, the King expects you to finally, AT LONG LAST, COMPLETE THE VERY SIMPLE TASK OF HIS ONE DECREE!"

The Herald rolls up his scroll, gives a contemptuous sneer at the Swamp People, and walks away. The trumpeters, looking at the angry mob who just received this news, scurry after with much less dignity.






(**update** after reading the links it seems as tho the King has gotten better trumpeters. The author suggests merely that the King has not been idle)


(btw...here's the follow up post for the original decree)

5 million ways...

to kill a CEO.

The visuals are really nice in this one.

The pleasure of paying more for less

Okay - I promise this won't be about the current economic news...it'll be bigger AND BETTER!

(P.S. - does anyone think the "cracked" media player (from like 4 posts ago) is causing this page to load really slow? - might just be me, my innernets/compooter is terrible these days - but I'd be happy to hear anyone's thoughts)

Now then, back to business. (b2b would be a good text shortening, dontchathink?) So okey my lovely fjordinite readers, lemme pose you this question.

What holds it's value?

Like, in a natural disaster like the Tsunami, or Katrina, where whole metropolis or region-sized disasters wipe out all systems of power, transportation, supply - hell - civilization...water holds it's value. Food holds it's value. Guns and swords hold their value, for forcing those with water and food to give them up, or protecting your own food and water. Thas mothafjuckin' anarchy...and is quite a bit different than what I'm talking about.

But in a short-term catastrophe, priorities are different than in a longer-term breakdown like, say a full-on-global-economic depression.

I'm sayin' I've got, say, 3-grand in mutual funds that I know are going to be worth less and less in a global depression. However, in a depression, the water system will still (mostly) work, but maybe cash won't be worth much more than the paper it's printed on. So what holds it's value? Gold? Well, gold will always have some value, but gold will only be worth what the seller of goods will demand. Gold will loose it's value to local exchange rates.
(If you need a fork-lift palette of canned beans valued at $1,000.00 and have a 4 oz bar of gold valued at $4,000.00 and the guy with the beans says, okay - gimme the gold-bar for the palette or no deal, you give him the gold for the food you need, loosing $3,000.00 worth of other goods and services. (- Gold coins might be a better alternative, but same diff. in the overall market strategy.)


So, weapons seem like a good choice, have a lot of firearms on hand for trading for valuable things. A loaded Beretta is worth a lot of aspirin...hell, a ton of aspirin. But problematically, once you start trading weapons for stuff, the weapons you trade from your stockpile can be used against you. Especially once you're known as someone who has a lot of weapons. That trade exponentially increases your danger - so I think that has to be ruled out as a place to put your money now.

Strangely, I also don't think something as simple as massed amounts of canned food is a good investment either...since there may be a crash which really doesn't effect the food supply, or local production will be enough to supply demand with only shortages of imported grains/fruits/meat, and then you're left with a whole mess of practically valueless foodstuffs.

So what would hold value? In a long-term full-on-global economic depression that will hit in ways we haven't dealt with since the 1930's...yet different, as certain systems of supply we enjoy, won't be wiped out...but it's impossible to predict which ones will vanish.

So, what to buy with whatever capital you have left before the markets collapse...that will hold value in a depression...that won't spoil during a time in storage...and something you can store easily (in your house or apartment), something you can break up into negotiated units per-local market value - and also something with which you can influence your own local market-price for, and something that won't make you an overt target for more violent groups that will certainly operate with an underfunded (and easily corrupted) law-enforcement authority?

Wow, tough one.

My guess? Booze, or medicine.

Both can be stored easily, and broken into tradeable (sp?) units.

A bottle of whisky can be used to purify a lot of water, (which could be a problem) used medicinally (say before (or after) an ad-hock surgery) or just for forgetting how crappy life is at the moment and to have a good time. It's also going to be worth more as supply grows thin, and it will, pretty quick.

A bottle of Tylenol is probably going to still be found in lots of places, but it'll be worth 50-100 bucks at least, in stores that can stock it and still take cash. Yet it would be super valuable to people with limited access to any form of healthcare. Toothaches, headaches, backaches, inflamed joints, fever -these are going to be rampant. A few pills could getcha a couple days food - easy.

Both, which might not end up all that scarce, (heck could be the only things getting thru) but they could still be traded under market value for other tangible goods. Now, you know I'm just guessin' here, and I know there's a buncha stuff I haven't considered, but more than a few fortunes have been made in an economic breakdown. I'm really just wondering - if I take all the money I have in every account and buy something that would truly hold it's value, what would it be?

So then...

Why did the LHC break down?

(not saying it's this, but it's innerestin')

Okey - Okey...yer right...

enough with alllllll that. Instead I present this palate cleanser.

Fountains for all!

Haha! I wuz talkin' about deleting the internet...

Turns out, I shoulda' been talking about deleting YOUR MONEY!

Hahahaha! No, seriously, I'm sure we're all going to be fine.
(if, in the near fjuture Fjord stops transmitting, we are not fine...everyone is totally fjucked)

(do not quit your day-job)
Anywise, here's a jont you can peruse if you want to get a little better take on what's going down.

Well now...

I start typin' stuff about deleting the internet, and this shows up on my compooter screen.



Astonishing? Coincidence? Probly not.

Howabout some sprinkles on your new

85-billion dollar insurance company? Turns out, the USA might have gotten their mitts on a real-live English football team!

Politics...yarrrg

I only wanted to link to this because of a fantastic idea it brought up. (you have to get to the end before it appears...or just skip to the last paragraph.)

Q: Is it possible to just delete the internet?
A: Shit yeah it is.

I've flogged this idea more than a few times here...the internet is not a magazine, it's not a show, it's not an archive for everything humanity has created. (altho it is all those things)

The internet is just a signal. The biggest money making signal that anyone has ever concocted because it has EVERYTHING on it.

Some might claim it's too big to fail. I'd claim there are a few fingers that could hit a few power-buttons on a few uber-powerful servers, and it's all gone. You tune into static enough times, you move on to a different channel.

Not that I'm buyin' stock in newspapers or anything, I'm just pushin' a little idea...

Don't Forget

Today's Talk Like A Pirate Day...

to rip a quote from me, 10 days ago...

I say, nay shout..."ARRR! SET THE CONTRRROLLS FOR THE HEART OF ALL SUBATOMIC MATTERRRRR!"
(Then adjusting eyepatch)
"Rolllll out the guns!
Hoist the Jolly Rrrrodger!
Preparrr to plundarrr the riches of quantummm spaaace!"

(edited slightly for enhanced pirate vernacular)

Couple O' Long Videos to Occupy Yer Precious Time

Clifford Stoll. I dunno who he is, but it's interesting. (Vid is 17:50 long)

Here's Jon Stewart with Tony Blair (Vid is like 21:00 long)

(Both from reddit - which is a great place to waste yer time on smaller things too.)

Denial, Faith, Hope, Belief

Riddle me this. What is the difference?

Okey...so I wuz over at Rhino's joint, makin a comment about a par-tic-u-lar-ly though provokin' piece. (very beeee-careful, this post ain't fer the faint-o-heart, nor those lookin fer internet time-passin - it'll mean something) and I found myself writin' this, and realized I shouldn't take up comment space fer it. In fact, it's been something on my brain for a long while. And It's at least post-size, so here I am. This is the skinny - I was about to write, this:

"People often make a stink about being in "denial". Strangely, I think that's a word misinterpreted, instead of a weakness, it's laden with power. How else you gonna convince yerself you can achive more than you already have?"

Now, I dig this line is probly going to throw you in a different direction than I'm headin', so let's get a few things square before we move on.

Here's the wiki-dictionary's take on denial:
a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.

So, here's the same source's take on faith: (author's aside, not as easy to edit down-it's laden with religious meaning)
a belief in the trustworthiness of an idea.

And here's the same source describing hope:
a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope implies a certain amount of despair, wanting, wishing, suffering or perseverance — i.e., believing that a better or positive outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary

Finally, here's the same source's definition of Belief:
Belief is the psychological state in which an individual holds a proposition or premise to be true.

(One more author's aside right here)
Well now, I'm going to say that these are definitions from wikipedia - which certainly can't be taken as "dictionary" or even "encyclopedia" based "facts," but I'm pretty sure there's been enough people who took exceptions (on many, many different interpretations) to the definition over the course of wikipedia's lifespan, to whittle these down to where they're at, and this is a consensus.
(end aside)

So - this brings me back to where I was at more than a number of years ago when I came up with the idea of the human condition being nothing more than some inherent power within each one of us that hears the alarm clock that knows - "Today will be better than yesterday." Now, I have no proof - or even personal speculation - that a mountain puma or grizzly bear doesn't wake up and think the exact same thing...but I do know how I've delt with a number of bad occurrances on bad days, which is something along the lines of "Forget about it. It will be better tomorrow." (it never works because of long-term memory, which I've talked about (just the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs 2 proove a point) before )

Yeah, so anyhoo - lemmy get back to denial, and give it a Fjord-edit just a bit, to this:
a person is faced with a fact and rejects it, despite evidence.

Oooh -quite negative! Boooo! Rejecting facts is for morons! Up with Faith, Hope and Belief! Down with Denial! Down with you, I say!

Ooop - hang on...

(of course you knew this was coming...it's Fjord after all)

Denial is the only one of these four words that does not have the word "belief" in it's actual definition. Also, the only word to have any negative connotation. Yet, belief is simply - the psychological state in which an individual holds a proposition or premise to be true - with or without evidence. If yer still with me, then it's obvious that Hope and Faith hang their hats on the same peg that Denial does.

Will you wake up tomorry and:

A) Deny the evidence to the contrary, and make it a better day?

B) have Faith that tomorrow will become better than yesterday?

C) Hope that you can do better today than yesterday?

D) Believe that whatever's next will be better than what came before?

This last bit could have been written different, sure. Mebby you can do better.

(bring it, I'd love to be challenged on this)

Yet, which answer is the most pro-active in our reality? Seems to me more than a few people who pump up faith and hope and belief are stuck in denial. Same gravitational vortex here with thoughts and words...interesting the meaning each one carries with it, no?

Which one gets you out of bed?

Well, I, for one, wish you all to wake up tomorrow in massive denial.

-Tsunami-

000oh, that last one was 1,100!

Keeping the hits rolling...

this one's a sweet-arsed animation bit.

The Continuing..."Exhibit R!"

This should be an interesting lesson. Would you let a cow get away with this shit?

KANGOUROU (REMI GAILLARD)
by nqtv

Vikin Fjord News!

9 medieval ships found in Oslo.

munney quote...
"the find will help fill gaps in knowledge of vessels between Norwegian Viking ships of about 1,000 years ago and more modern vessels."

Awesome!

I been worried about that gap.

Waaaay more than I should be.

Greetin's From The U.S. of A!!!

So I've taken a little time away from the compooter to do this and that, AND TO KEEP A EVER-FJUCKIN' VIGILANT EYE ON MY BANK! It's called Washington Mutual, or WAMU...and they are a mega-bank...with branches all over the place. (and went crazy with the early 21st Century lending craze (like everybody) and now own billions of dollars of worthless paper) They just had the value of their stock & credit downgraded to "junk" status. Which, I really don't know the actual dollar value of, but it's probably not much. Anywise, nobody knows if they'll get bought-out, or fold taking all their deposits with them as they go under.

Anyhoo - the funny bit is that...I don't have a job, my unemployment insurance is about to run out, (unless the Great Republic of California comes thru! C'mon Cali! I've always loved yoooooooo!) and what little money I have stuck in there, I really do need.

Wait, that's not the funny part.

The funny part is I gots me a financial adviser! Now, he does everything for "free" like, the kind of free where he tries to get me to give him a list of my friends who may "need" financial advising...which is how I got my first financial advisor originally, (from a "friend") who then left...or was fired, and replaced by two strong-armed-financial goons I wouldn't trust with two of my pennies, who were then replaced by my current adviser, who is actually a really cool dude. (and if I hadn't been so put-off by their organizations previous actions of hitting me up for all my friends contact info...well, I'd be more than happy to send him your stuff with the D.T. seal of approval.)

Okay...here's the funny part...he works under the umbrella of AIG, which is an insurance and financial services company. Why is that funny? Well...here's a tidbit from Reuters:

"NEW YORK (Reuters) - An $85 billion government rescue of insurer American International Group Inc looked increasingly likely on Tuesday to stave off a bankruptcy that would have thrown world markets back into turmoil.

The Federal Reserve will extend AIG $85 billion in exchange for a nearly 80 percent stake to bail out the troubled insurance giant, a person briefed on the matter said.
The deal would avoid the biggest corporate bankruptcy ever and follows a government bailout of mortgage lenders Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae just over a week ago."

(bold mine. -duh-)

So anyhoo - to put it bluntly,

this is where I'VE BEEN GETTING MY FINANCIAL ADVICE!

A company that needs an instant $85-BILLION DOLLAR LOAN to keep from collapsing into the biggest corporate bankruptcy ever - AND THROWING WORLD MARKETS INTO A TURMOIL!

Now when you look at the whole of my tale here, you'd have to admit, that's funny.

(and why I'm probably fjuckt)

Craig Ferguson

Always thought there was something appealing 'bout this late nite talkshow host...but he's on teevee a little later than I stay up. Just watched this tho...dang.

(Watch Quick - it'll probly get taken down soon.)
(P.S. Vid is 8:45 long)

All the Mummy News that's Fit to Print!

Oh man, this is too awesome!

BTW - there is no munny quote...it's all munny quotes. The whole dang thing!

But here's a sample:
Now what am I supposed to do? All my shit, the necklaces, that weird lion vase, the gold fucking daggers that I couldn't fucking wait to use, gone. I have nothing to wear. I have nothing to do. I guess I'll just lie here on the floor for the rest of eternity.

***

All kidding aside, if you want to read more about mummies, here's this tale about some Celtic mummies being found IN CHINA! (very long, but interesting...)

Oh, one last thing...

I made last year. Still stands as written.

Dueling...

Am totally in favor, by the way, of settling differences by duel.

As you might remember, I think fjord is the only joint on the internets still pimping this.

However, there are a lot of subtle rules and choices that might change the whole lot of your typical conceptions of what exactly a duel might entail. Like a few examples over here.

So there's this to consider

"The difference between a good day and a bad one is your feeling of having actually done something."

(quote by me, from a pitifully small journal book which I recently started, that is strictly dedicated to ideas that are awesome, or designed to be inspiring.)

Shortly previous to above line,

Quoth the Q-Dog:

"Well, at least you're doing something that resembles something."

I'm sure someone's already thought of this but...

What if the Cern Particle Accelerator actually did destroy the Earth when it got turned on yesterday -but- at the exact same time created an exact duplicate Earth IN ANOTHER DIMENSION!

And in a miraculous event of physics...at the exact moment your physical (we'll call it Earth#1) body was being ripped apart to its component atoms...your consciousness migrated through a tiny wormhole into the other dimension - TO INHABIT YOUR DUPLICATE BODY in Earth#2!

Which, if you're still choosing to follow me on this, means (following to the next logical step) WE ARE NOW THE FIRST TRANS-DIMENSIONAL TRAVELLERS in all of humanity's history!

(that we know of...
man, it'd be weird if Buddha had already been here)


Update #1
But wait - if Earth #2 is an exact duplicate of Earth #1 - then that means there's a Cern smasher here that's just the same...and it's already on! And that means we're already on Earth #3! (or #5 or #37 - what the hell am I - a temporal physicist?) Anyhoo - there's clearly no going back now.


image and a whole lot more cool photos from here.

This is kinda cool

Find out how common your family name is throughout the world.

Huh...so incase you were wondering...

The oldest continuously used lighthouse is the Tower of Hercules. It dates back about 2000 years - from the time of the Romans.

One More Day! ("Refresh the parts that other beers cannot reach")

And humanity's most gargantuan science project will start rolling. Of course there have been some questions (and lawsuits) stating the scientists operating the CERN particle accelerator might cause a black hole that will eat the earth, or cause a strange subatomic reaction that will leave the earth a cold dead lump. But, there are grounds for optimism. (can't recall where I saw this yesterday, but some smart sounding guy said something like), "The odds of this happening are the same odds as you being vaporized while you're shaving."

So take that nay-sayers...

***

I say, nay shout..."ARRR! SET THE CONTROLLS FOR THE HEART OF ALL SUBATOMIC MATTER!"
(Then adjusting eyepatch)
"Roll out the guns!
Hoist the Jolly Rrrrodger!
Preparrr to plundarrr the riches of quantum spaaace!"

***

(I'm positive there are massive Spanish Galleons laden with treasure floating in there...why else would THE SWISS fund the project?
"The project was eventually approved in 1996 at a cost of 2.6bn Swiss Francs.")

Oh - there may be a glitch or two along the way...
"While working on the LHC's predecessor, a machine called the Large-Electron Positron Collider, engineers found two beer bottles wedged into the beam pipe - a deliberate, one-off act of sabotage.

The culprits - who were drinking a particular brand which advertising once claimed would "refresh the parts other beers cannot reach" - were never found."

Here's a fun little article

On how not to be seen.

Any O' you 'member Carson?

He had his moments...

Incase youse gots a little more time on yer hands

You might wanna read/watch this. It's some business with Rage Against the Machine in Minneapolis/St.Paul (where the Republican Convention is going on rite now).

I've never been a Rage fan, but the video is pretty potent...and cool. And if you've got the heart to watch it till the 9:30 mark - it gets crazy awesome.

So take it or leave it - as you will.


If you've left it, here's a nice ditty from a group called the Poster Children.



Side note, in a small L.A. show, Rosie (their bass player) gave me a head-butt from the stage, which was about the highlight of that year for me.

You can find more of their fun stuffs here.

Here's a link to a bonus extra...incase you're still here killin' yer time.

Ah, I don't feel like concoctin' somtin astoundin

Altho U no I kood. Insteed, I'll just copy-n-paste this here 'stonishin' ting I just found.

Might remeber it from here.

I want my money back. I'm down here drowning in your fat. You got me on my knees praying for everything you lack. I ain't afraid of you. I'm just a victim of your fears. You cower in your tower praying that I'll disappear, I got another plan, one that requires me to stand. On the stage or in the street, don't need no microphone or beat. And when you hear this song, if you ain't dead then sing along. Bang and strum to these here drums til you get where you belong.

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! You wanna be somebody? See somebody? Try and free somebody? I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! Hand to mouth!

I wrote a song for you today while I was sitting in my room. I jumped up on my bed today and played it on a broom. I didn't think that it would be a song that you would hear, but when I played it in my head, I made you reappear. I wrote a video for it and I acted out each part. Then I took your picture out and taped it to my heart. I've taped you to my heart dear girl, I've taped you to my heart and if you pull away from me you'll tear my life apart..

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! You wanna be somebody? See somebody? Try and free somebody? I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! Hand to mouth!

Ecstacy, suffering, Echinacea, bufferin. We aim to remember what we choose to forget. God's just a baby and her diaper is wet.
Call the police! I'm strapped to the teeth and liable to disregard your every belief. Call on the law! I'm fixin' to draw a line between what is and seems and call up a brawl. Call'em up now! 'cause it's about to go pow! I'm standing on the threshold of the ups and the downs. Call up a truce! 'cause I'm about to bust loose. Protect ya neck,'cause, son, I'm breaking out of my noose.

I got a list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! You wanna be somebody? See somebody? Try and free somebody? I gotta list of demands written on the palm of my hands. I ball my fist and you're gonna know where I stand. We're living hand to mouth! Hand to mouth!

Beats whatever I wuz gonna say.

Yup.

Re: Definitions

Media.

Heh.

Awww...you came back

Six daze without a post...

This one's 'cause I really like youze!
(make sure you watch at least until 1:15)



Okey - if you lived thru that - here's one to crank the volume up on.

(seriously, it was uploaded with low sound - but it's uber bueno. Promise.)




Now, wasn't that nice?

Yeah, now who loves ya!

Ya. Somebody. That's who.