Urine for a treat! Or - The mathematical formula for making a Fjordpost(tm) quality post for your blog or webzine!

So, lots of people come up all the time and ask me,
"Tsunami, if I wanted to turn the Empire State Building into a giant laser cannon that
could destroy the sun, and build an undersea fortress where I could control it from, and fight off the combined might of all the world's navies...what should my first step be?"

This question always makes me laugh and laugh, cause, they honestly
have no idea how many extension cords this kind of project is going to
require. (in excess of 6.2-MILLION!) And even funnier, they're almost
sure to be short (if they've even thought of it) hundreds of tons of gruel, with
which to feed their army of slave laborers.

Remember people - free labor is only free if you intend to work your
slave workers to death - and quickly!

However, other, less mad people, come up to me all the time and ask,
"Tsunami, how do you come up with such inventive, revolutionary posts
for Fjord? Because I want posts like those to grace my blog and or webzine.!"

To these people I ask three very simple questions.
1) Do you own a hovercraft?
2) Are you able to call up goons at any hour to break someone's legs?
3) Do you know for a fact that you - personally - can survive without air?

Now inevitably the answer is, "No" to all three of these questions.
(If I had just asked you these three questions, would the answers also be
"No?" Well - no matter.) My response is "In that case, - you're going to have to use your imagination!"

Imagination. This is key here people. If you don't have an imagination, this is not going to work. In order for you to have your very own - nearly Fjordpost(tm) quality - post on you blog or webzine - you're going to have to make it up! Entirely from your own head! From scratch!

Wait, wait...seriously, don't panic...just breathe.

I'm here to help you through this, and it's easier than you think.

"How easy?" You would ask hopefully.
"Pretty damn easy kid!" I'd say, snapping my fingers and pointing at you in one gesture. "There's only one thing we need, before we can apply "THE FORMULA!"
"What's that??" You ask excitedly.
"A topic we can write a post about."
"How about Mummies!" You exclaim.
"Well, that is sorta' my thing...see..I mean, couldn't you...ahhh hell, look at your beady little eyes all peerin' up at me. Okay kid - knock yourself out."
"Yaaay." You say now very happy, however, you do realize your Fjordpost(tm) quality post, has not yet been written. (very astute of you, I must say) "What do I do now?"
"Now - now we apply THE FORMULA!"
"What's the formula?"
"The formula is simple! In order to create a Fjordpost(tm) quality post for your blog or webzine, you need to apply this equation to your chosen topic.

10% inspiration + 90% perspiration +110% Booze =1 Fjordpost(tm) Quality post!
Well, I gotta' get going, but remember kid - those Fjordpost(tm) quality posts ain't going to write themselves!"

I'd drift off into the crowd, jauntily swinging my swordcane, and disappearing as you process all that. But just as soon as I had become lost in the crowd, you'd realize there was one more answer you really needed to know.
"Tsunami! What's inspiration!!!"

Since I'm a kind and benevolent Tsunami, I'll give you a hint. It's really just simple algebra. If you add 90% perspiration with 110% Booze, and you don't have a Fjordpost(tm) quality post, you haven't added the inspiration - you're just drunk. Well, happy blogging!

-Tsunami-