Friday stands at the lectern

In front of a huge assembled audience. The official Friday seal is affixed to the podium. (For those who are interested - it's got a rocket-car, hovercraft and Lear-Jet, set in a triangle, within, is a man in a tux, with a top-hat and cane, and a woman in a flattering, and low-cut evening gown. They stand next to a table with two martini glasses. Around the outside is text reading "Friday - King of All Weekdays." Pretty slick.)

"I'm continuously astonished," Friday begins, in his rich baritone, "at life's ability to find new ways to confound me."

*the audience claps madly in agreement*

"As always, there are the repeats of problems which we've all faced before...not enough money, the regrets of lost loves, the sinking depression just knowing you were happier at some other time. The self-realization, that you are in no way close to where you should be in personal, or professional life, and that your hobbies are meaningless and stupid in comparison with what others are doing!"

*the audience breaks into it's mad clapping again*

Friday takes a moment, and reaches under his lectern for his cocktail, and takes a hearty drink. He slips it back, and continues when the applause subsides.

"But apart from these - and the others -" Friday puts the back of his hand up to the mic, and speaks in a soft whisper. "and I know, you all know what I mean."

Friday drops the whisper and begins speaking in a louder clipped tone.
"Then there are the ones you don't see coming, from out of left field - Voodoo curses! Zombie attacks! Towering deathbots with chemical lasers and rockets! Webmonster viruses combining with Ebola, SARS, and Dengue Fever, spreading between computer and man through the keyboard interface - leaving piles of silicon vomit and diarrhea leaking out the disk-drive, USB ports and cooling vents, next to the real piles of blood, puss, vomit and diarrhea spewed from it's up-till-then healthy operator. I ASK YOU: WHO WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING!!?? IT'S INCREDIBLY CONFOUNDING!

*The audience leaps to it's feet cheering and clapping in a near frenzy! The auditorium is defening. Cheers and yells are called out*

Friday has another sip of his drink, and looks out approvingly at the crowd. He toasts them, and then speaks.

"I'm not here to..."

The audience drowns out his words with their applause. They begin to settle down.

"I'm not here to tell you how to avoid these things, that would be pointless and foolish. There are things that cannot be predicted, or avoided...and you all know deep in your hearts that is true."

Friday pauses meaningfully...he savors the pause, and rolls it around in his mouth. He knows they're going to love this.

"Therefore, I, in association with Friday Incorporated Business's (authors aside: FIB) of which you are all shareholders, have created THIS!"

Friday holds in his hand a small yellow pill. He smiles out to the audience. Cameras pick up the smile and the pill, and project it onto the back of the auditorium on huge screens which suddenly flick on!

"A hundred million dollars in development, and worth every penny!" Friday pauses, and places the pill on the top of the podium. He knows what everyone is thinking, but he still gives them a bit of time to think it. "What does it do? You ask. It inhibits befuddlement!

*The audience wonders what, exactly Friday is saying.*

We can not prevent confounding events from happening, be we can chemically adapt the mind so under any bizarre, amazing, ridiculous, outlandish, freaky, occurrence - one will react in a perfectly reasonable, and stylish manner! I give you Test Subject B!" The massive screens show a picture of a regular man, attired as an office drone. We fed Subject B, the anti-befuddlement pill, and sent him without warning, back through time to the Jurassic era! On observation, we found Subject B quickly took stock of his situation, and created a spear. Having created a weapon, he then did the next best thing. He, set out to find shelter - whereupon, locating a cave, he began building an array of defences for his new home. Then found the tinder which would ignite a fire - which he could create with his pocket lighter - as he had enough sense to realize was an important tool. This, thusly, kept him warm, and alive through the night. From there, he set out to find food, felling a small lizard-creature with his spear. In all, Subject B lasted three full days, before we returned him to the present time, whereupon he took stock of his situation, and promptly asked if his employer was aware of his absence. This, in contrast with Subject A - who was not given the pill, who ran madly - and stupidly - I might add, in confusion for ten minutes, where he was quickly eaten by a pterodactyl. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE ERA OF BEING CONFOUNDED IS OVER!

*The audience gets it. They explode in cheers and whistles, and applause! It's wonderful.*

Friday gives one last smile at the crowd.

"Good night, and...might I add. A very happy Friday to you all!"